


Touch My Soul

by Gallanco732



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, star wars the last jedi
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blue Balls, Cheese, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Ghosts, Gray Jedi, Intimacy, Jakku, Jedha, Jedi Temples, Jedi texts, Mutual Healing, No Smut, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, SERIOUSLY IF YOU WANT HARD CORE SMUT THIS IS NOT THE STORY FOR YOU, Secret Sith, Sexual Tension, Soft Kylo Ren, Virgin Rey, badasses in the force, balance the force, cosmic force, he's going to have to work for it, implied sex, jedi lessons, no explicit sex, secret snoke apprentice, sexually abused ben solo, shower chats, smut hut, smut hut reimagined, so soft, soft boi, soft boi kylo, touch deprived, touch starved, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-16
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2019-06-11 13:23:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 36,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15316416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gallanco732/pseuds/Gallanco732
Summary: What if Luke Skywalker had not interrupted Rey and Kylo's force session inside the hut on Ach-To?My take on the smut-hut, though it's more like a touch-hut. Two lonely hearts fight to find a path to each other's souls. Can they find the balance on their own before the galaxy destroys itself? Can they save each other?





	1. Chapter 1

[ ](https://imgur.com/iJD0EWS)

(Image by @msdes) 

* * *

 

There’s heaving chests and tears and tendrils of the force ripping through each of them as they’re shown visions of the future and past. Each sees what they need to see, the potential in each other.

They hold their gaze for a long time. It has been so long since anything has surprised Kylo, but everything about this girl tears him from his bleak world and shatters his conceptions of reality. This is destiny, this is the force at work, this is… something.

A deep ache fills his chest, a longing for closeness, for understanding, for the compassion and for the light this dangerous, beautiful, broken woman is pouring into him. She’s the same as him: abandoned, lost, wielding a power greater than herself. She’ll understand why he’s made the choices he’s made, she’ll stand with him, together they can fix the ills of the galaxy through their combined strength. They’ll never be alone again.

Rey is filled with wonder and with hope. Something inside her is drawn to the broken boy inside this dangerous man.

He’s like her: abandoned, lost, wielding a power bigger than himself. He was pushed to the dark side, to do terrible things. She can bring him back to the light, if she goes to him they can have the future she’s always longed for, the one the force is showing her, they can balance the force, free the galaxy and never be alone again.

They hold their fingers together for a long time, eyes locked, minds racing. And then, his other hand begins to rise. Without thinking he yanks the other glove off with his teeth and reaches a hand out towards her face. Either she doesn’t notice, or she doesn’t care. Rey remains still, eyes piercing his, tears running down her face, mouth open in awe. This thumb is making way for one of those tears.

Then he’s touching her again. It’s a gentle stroke and his thumb feels wet. His other fingers hover over her face, and he feels the warmth of her beneath them as if she were really here in his chambers. She’s finally aware of his movement, blinking in mild surprise at the act.

He pulls his hand back gently, looking at the moisture on his finger, rubbing it between his thumb and index. Fascinating. How was this possible?

Had anyone in her life ever wiped one of her tears away? Rey can’t remember. She recovers quickly from the initial shock of a second touch she hadn’t anticipated. How had she not noticed? So overwhelmed had she been by her visions and raging thoughts and his dark ensnaring eyes.

Now she is flooded by a new, terrifying emotion. As she watches his features scrunch in focus as he academically examines the tear on his finger, she identifies it – affection. There’s a small sweep of fear but a more powerful urge tamps that down. The same urge and curiosity that filled her the moment he appeared. The urge to touch his face, his hair. It looks so soft, so lush, so totally black. Rey doesn’t think she’s ever seen a color like that.

As she thinks this her hand is already there. Rey lets out the smallest of gasps as she runs her fingers through the dark tendrils that have fallen across his forehead.  It’s just as soft as she imagined.

How could someone with such beautiful hair cause so much harm, she wonders.

Ben’s wide eyes snap up at the sudden sensation.

This is unexpected. Very unexpected, and for a few moments he forgets how to breathe. He’s afraid that any movement, the tiniest breath, will spook her and send her running like the ethereal creature she is.

He devours the sight of her, but her focus is on his hair. Why? Why was she touching him like this? Did she really want to? Then as she brushes some longer strands back from his forehead, she strokes his scalp and Kylo’s eyes flutter, nearly rolling to the back of his head at the tenderness of the touch.

Something far less innocent but equally curious is building within him. But he doesn’t dare move. Did she know what she was doing to him? Why would his lovely enemy want to touch him in such a way? When was the last time someone had touched him in a manner that wasn’t violent? When was the last time he had touched someone without inflicting pain?

Rey’s focus falls back on his face and Kylo gulps. What now?

Her eyes fall on the terrible scar she had given him. How twisted he was that night, a terrifying monstrosity, lashing out after the murder of his father. Was this really the same man before her? Had he been this torn when he drove his saber through his father’s heart? How can he live with such a stain on his soul? How can she make him see the light?

Rey presses two fingers lightly upon his scar and feels the groove of it under her fingertips. They're hands that had been touching now grip each other firmly.

He’s never felt more like Ben than he does in this moment. He shutters, his breathing coming hard and ragged as he closes his eyes and feels her light pouring into his wound. What is she doing? What is this feeling? He knows she can’t be doing this on purpose.

It hurts. The brilliance of it, the innocence, the purity, the clarity of it. It’s everything he’s refused to acknowledge for years, everything he’s sacrificed to the darkside, to his master, to… He touches on that deep, dark realization that what he’s sacrificed could all be for nothing and it’s too much. A hand flies up and grasps hers pulling it away from his skin.

“Stop.” He means his voice to be commanding but it only comes out in a broken whisper.

She saw it there, for the briefest moment. The depth of his remorse and fear, his longing for the light.

Her eyes go wide with realization and determination.

“So lonely. So afraid to leave,” Rey parrots the words from his interrogation back to him.  

He opens his eyes giving her a sharp look but says nothing.

Haunting is the only way to describe his expression. He’s so deeply torn. She has to make him see, she has to know more, she is so close. Rey raises her other hand with the intention of touching him again and working her way back into his mind, but he catches her hand midair. He now has both of her hands in his.

“Don’t,” he says with more conviction in his deep voice.

“Ben,” she whispers.

Shock and uncertainty shoot across his face. He takes in her doey eyes, her lovely face and her sweet voice. The name he hates so much, has never sounded so right.

He brings her hands together, enveloping them with his own, looking down as he holds them in his lap like a prayer.

When has he ever held another person’s hands like this?

She’s never done anything like this with anyone before either. Rey looks down at their joined hands and the words she had been planning to say fall away. This is so… intimate. Suddenly she’s aware that they’ve slid closer to one another. Their knees are touching and they’re leaning towards each other.

Rey doesn’t know what to do. Churning emotions rage within her before finalizing in an urgent need. To save him.

“Come with me,” she pleads in a whisper, her face briefly moving towards him and back again.

His eyes fly over her features trying to read her intentions. Her small movement illicits another emotion that he doesn’t have time to identify. It doesn’t matter. It’s an impossible dream.

“I can’t,” he says, his voice barely audible.

Rey won’t be deterred. She knows what she saw in her vision. If she goes to him…

“Then, I’ll come to you,” she says shakily, and she’s met with fire in his eyes.

His insides blaze with disbelief and… excitement? Adrenaline?

She lets out a shuttering breath and graces him with the beginnings of a nervous grin. Did he hear her right? SHE would come to HIM? Yes! Yes, that’s as it should be. This sounds right. He knows what he saw  in his vision, the potential for her to understand him, to join him, but…

“Why?” He can’t help but ask her.

Rey doesn’t answer him. Instead with a rush of nervous energy she stands. He follows. Her hands held in prayer slip into each of his palms instead. They look down and marvel at the sensation. Like little bits of electricity over their skin but also touching something deeper. Rey meets his eyes again, and he sees her determination and fire.

“I’m coming.”

She’s about to sprint away to the falcon when Ren’s brain catches up with the situation.

“You can’t come here!” He calls, gripping one hand hard, keeping her from breaking the connection. She flings around.

“Ben, I…” she begins, but is cut off.

“It’s Snoke.”

She halts, blinking. He pulls her arm closer, leaning down towards her face.

“If you come here, he’ll torture you. Maybe kill you.”

She deflates. His master has him on a short leash. Before she can pry further she sees something snap in his mind.

“Mustafar,” he rumbles.

“What?”

“Mustafar. Find it and I’ll find you.”

Rey’s heart races as she looks at him with wide eyes. He meets her gaze, steady and with purpose.

She gives him a small nod. The corner of his lip twinges in something that could be the beginnings of a smile. They let their hands slide apart, savoring every tiny sensation until they part and vanish from each other’s view.

Rey stands with hand out stretched a few moments before turning and running out the door of the stone hut.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the purposes of my story it's important to note that Finn and Rose never went to Canto bite. The resistance slipped quietly down to Crate, leading the First Order to believe they were destroyed. Short chapter, more Reylo in Ch. 3.

Rey flings aside the fabric at the door of the stone hut and immediately runs into Luke Skywalker.

She gasps and stumbles back.

He’s soaked and… excited?

“Rey, you were right.”

Rey looks at him incredulously, feeling off kilter.

“What?”

“I had to find you. I opened myself back to the force and I saw everything and I… I felt Leia. She’s hurt, she needs us. Now.”

Rey’s heart starts racing. What had befallen the rebels since they’d been gone? Was that why they couldn’t contact anyone? Were they under attack? Fear swoops through her stomach. But what about Ben?

She badly wants to confront Luke. Wants to demand to know if it’s true. Did he really try to murder his nephew in his sleep? But if she does, she knows it will change everything. If Luke discovers the connection between them he’ll refuse to come with her. He’ll stay on this island forever and Leia may die. No, for now she’ll bite her tongue, deliver Luke to the resistance, then sneak away on her mission.

If she could turn Ben, it could turn the tide. It could be how they win! And maybe…

An image of her hands in his flashes in her mind, and the vulnerable look in his deep brown eyes…

“Right.” Rey says finally, nodding fiercely as she tries to shake the memory from her head. “First things first, we save Leia.”

Luke runs back into the storm to gather his few belongings. Rey calls out to Chewie but pulls him aside, “Chewie, you know that giant old tree on the far side of the island? There are books inside. Go grab those and hide them somewhere Luke won’t find them on the Falcon.”

The wookie growls a question. “He may be coming with us, but I don’t trust him not to go all dark and depressive again and try to destroy all that Jedi knowledge. Plus, if he won’t train me, I want it. If everything works out I’ll just give them back, no harm no foul,” she ends in a higher pitched voice, not completely believing her own bull shit.

Chewie mumbles a sound that says, “whatever” and takes the Falcon on a spin of the island before coming back to collect Rey and Luke.

“Where did he go?” Luke questions her as they descend to the beach.

“To get fish,” she lies.

Luke huffs, and Rey does a mental sigh of relief.

She doesn’t want that to jeopardize the tentative truce they have at the moment. Boarding the Millennium Falcon, Rey activates her binary beacon and they begin their search for the resistance. She just hopes that Ben Solo will wait for her.

\---

Ben looks out the bridge of the finalizer, watching as the rebel command ship is blown apart. The last remnants of his parent’s rebellion, everything that they fought for and loved more than him, are finally dead. His mind reels and his chest heaves at the magnitude of his repressed emotions.

It’s everything he ever wanted… _isn’t it?_

He feels compromised. Everything is now unclear. What should have been the ultimate victory doesn’t feel like one at all. He doesn’t have time to understand this feeling.

“Ren, the Supreme Leader requests your presence,” comes Hux’s triumphant voice.

He must school his thoughts and emotions. He must find a way to convince Snoke to let him go, so he can find... her.

In Snoke’s crimson throne room, Ren walks forward and bows in submission.

The Supreme Leader observes him for a long time before speaking.

“Your mother is likely dead, her rebellion as well. Yet you appear before me with new found resolve. I may have use for you yet Heir to Lord Vader.”

Ren says nothing.

“There’s only one obstacle left in our way. Luke Skywalker lives. So does the girl. You have failed, as of yet, to acquire them. Shall I give you another chance to prove yourself? Or perhaps Hux’s strategies will be more effective?”

Ren’s heart jumps at the mention of her but he schools it quickly, fighting to remain passive and unconcerned. That becomes even more difficult when Hux’s name is dragged into this. He fixes his eyes to the floor, willing himself not to come undone. One thought solidifies his resolve. Snoke will _never_ lay a hand on Rey.

“I have a request,” Ren hears himself saying. “Time to meditate. To take in recent events and formulate a strategy. To balance myself again.”

Snoke quirks a twisted excuse of an eyebrow. Oh? Ren is not taking the bait to rise to anger? Interesting. What could be a smirk plays on his features and a knowing glint in his eye makes Ren’s blood boil. The bastard always seemed to know more than he was letting on.

“Balance? Yes, that would be for the best. We know what the girl did to you untrained. She will be formidable after time spent with Skywalker.”

Ben tamps down his fury. His fingers itch to do violence with his lightsaber, preferably in Snoke’s direction.

“Wrap up this operation first. Then go. Do not take long.”

With that he is dismissed.

Ren marches away, clenching his fists, not in anger, but determination.

He hopes that Rey of Jakku will wait for him.

 


	3. Chapter 3

 

Hux is intolerable.

Insisting on one after-action report after another. His haughty gloating, and preening have Ren on edge, a razor’s edge away from snapping his neck or making him “accidentally” choke on his damned bitter tea. But that would draw too much attention to himself.

He had to get to her. He had to know if what he felt and saw was true. With an ally like her none of the rest of this was necessarily. They could change it all… together.

He finally returns to his quarters as the Supremacy prepares to jump back into hyper space. He will depart after a short rest. There’s a gentle tugging of the force in his chest. It’s been there since he touched her hand.

He removes his gloves and looks down at his fingers, remembering the electricity of that contact. If he had to put words to the feeling, it was like blue lightening, cool and powerful, rippling from the point of contact over his entire body. He balls up his hand and brings his fist up to his lips.

He remembers her face, trembling, tear stained, wet. He remembers the look in her eyes as she told him he wasn’t alone and reached out to touch him. _Why?_

Her face was haunting and then…

He runs his fingers through his hair where she had stroked his scalp. What did it mean? Why did she do it?

He lets out a growl and marches into the fresher. He has to cool down. His thoughts need to be clear and clinical. Luke was still out there. What if he followed Rey to him? She could still lead some new rabble to capture him.  She could still choose them, and he had to be ready. He doesn’t really have a plan, but he hopes he can sway her there at his grandfather’s castle. The place where visions of the dark had presented themselves to him, whispering promises of power and peace.

Then in a flash he remembers the feel of his mother in the force, her longing for him to return to her, before the blast that startled him. He remembers feeling like he would have stopped it if he could.

He stands in the fresher, water pouring over his neck and broad shoulders as he leans his head and balled fists against the cool tiled wall. He breathes with the sound of the droplets running down his rippling flesh.

Tears run into water, masked seamlessly.

He suppresses thoughts of what he’s lost. He prays that the force will end his conflict soon. He hopes Rey will be the one to end it.

\---

The beacon leads Rey, Luke and Chewbacca to Crate, and a very thankful, weary group of warriors.

The Falcon lands before the massive fortress doors, stirring up the salt flats and leaving a blotch of red.

Leia and the survivors emerge.

A few hundred rebels swell forth in relief and elation, sweeping Rey and Chewie away in celebration.

Luke and Leia make eye contact across the flats and make their way slowly towards one another.

They embrace, finding intimacy in the chaos, their words only heard between the two siblings as the remaining rebels sing and dance around them.

Rey is plopped down hard and she’s a pair of feet standing before her. She rises slowly, eyes running up the person until she sees his face.

“Finn,” she breathes and then they’re wrapped around each other in a fierce embrace. They laugh and cry, and tumble to the ground which only makes them hiccup and laugh harder.

As she gets a good look around Rey can see they’ve truly been through an ordeal.

“Is this all that’s left?” She asks Finn back inside bunker.

He tells her about the assault on their old base, about being tracked through hyperspace and outrunning the Supremacy itself! He tells her how Kylo Ren destroyed the X-wings and blew out the bridge, nearly killing Leia.

Rey feels herself go cold. She barely registers his tale of Leia pulling herself back into the Raddus as her thoughts fall back to _him._

First his father and now his mother? Was this before or after their force sessions she wonders.

“When did this happen?”

Finn tells her and something begins to become more clear. This must have happened just before their first connection. Perhaps that’s why he was so miserable and in pain when he admitted to being a monster. He truly was a beast if it was his hand that fired on Leia.

“Rey, what’s wrong?” comes Finn’s voice.

Rey looks up and realizes she’s stopped listening.

A fury was rising within her and she needed to clear her head. If Ben had truly done this, there was no reason to rendezvous with him in space. He could try to capture her again or torture her for information. He could hand her over to Snoke and all would be lost. She needed answers. From Him. Now.  

“I have to… I have to go. I’ll be back.”

She stumbles away, nearly knocking over an adorable Asian girl in a flight suit. She runs on into the cave not knowing where she’s going.

The solace she sought would not be granted just yet. Rey turns a corner and runs right into Leia and a group of her commanders.

“We have to find a place with ships and supplies… Oh! Rey, I’m so happy you ran this way.”

Leia fills her in on what the group had been discussing. The First Order thinks them dead and have moved on following the Supremacy out of their system. She talks about a secret rendezvous on a mid-realm world with an old friend, Lando he calls himself. Then Leia notices Rey’s white face and pained expression.

“Would you all give us a minute.”

The others depart. Leia places her hands warmly on Rey’s shoulder, causing the young would be Jedi to look up and meet her eyes.

“Rey, you brought my brother back to me. I wanted to thank you.”

Rey just nods.

“But, I can see there’s something troubling you.”

“I... it’s nothing.”

“Is it my son?”

She sputters and flushes… How much does she know?

“Luke mentioned you had asked about him, that you have a very similar power. Rey, I know you were his prisoner, did he do something to you?”

“I… no.” It feels like so much of the story is left hanging in the air.

Rey remembers their war of minds, how she broke into his, how suddenly she knew things she had no business knowing, how the doors of his mind flew open, pouring into her.

“I think, I think I did something to him…” she says looking up at Leia with wide eyes.

The General looks deadly serious and Rey wonders if she can trust her. Rey takes both of Leia’s hands in a way she hopes is comforting. She remembers the hand of the man who told her she wasn’t alone.

“There’s still conflict in him.”

Tears threaten Leia’s eyes, the pain is too raw. Remembering her son flying off back to his sick master as she was ripped into space, leaving her to die. Remembering the feel of Han being torn away from her. She can’t dare to hope any more.

“My son is gone.”

And she walks away, then stops, getting control of herself. Leia turns back to face Rey just a moment at the corner.

“I’m sorry. Only Ben can save Ben now. Let’s talk more soon.”

When Leia vanishes from view Rey flees again, deeper and deeper into the caves. She comes to an empty cavern and she screams out his name.

“BEN!” It echoes off the brilliant crimson mineral walls.

She doesn’t know how their connection works, but she has to speak with him. NOW. Rey closes her eyes and breathes, concentrating on the pull in her chest, following it like a string. It’s red and it burns. She sends her shout through the cosmos.

“ _BEN!”_

He startles in his shower.

The connection is opening, quickly, she’s shouting and he’s naked.

The sound sucks away and he hears the ruffle of her body behind him.

“Don’t turn!” He calls firmly.

A touch too late. She had turned, catching just a glimpse of yawning taut wet flesh before gasping and turning back around. The sounds of falling water stop.

He’s wide eyed and startled staring at the shower wall. There was urgency in her shout and it has adrenaline coursing through him.

“Are you hurt?”

“No, I… I need to talk to you.”

She hears a growl of frustration and rustling. Rey wills a full body blush to calm. The image she quickly glimpsed is burning its way into her mind against her will. She pushes it away, focusing on her fury, concentrating on it.

Ren wraps a black towel low across his waist and turns to see her rigid form, seemingly in his large, sparse fresher room, facing away from him.  Her hair is tamer, in one half bun now. She’s wearing a sleeveless vest and her beige capris, practical as ever. He feels her better now. She’s furious.

“Speak,” he commands.

“Is it true?”

He frowns in annoyance.

“You’re going to have to be more specific.”

“You’re mother.”

His whole body freezes.

“Did you fire on her? Did you leave her to die?”

Ren’s mind races, “How did you…?” Had she read his mind just now in the fresher? Had she sensed his distress?

“It doesn’t matter how. It only matters that you answer me.”

To the point, he thinks.

He doesn’t know how to answer. It’s a part of him he refuses to acknowledge, makes him feel compromised, wild and untethered, but if he doesn’t answer…

“If I did?”

“Then there’s nothing left to discuss is there?” comes her strong, angry voice. “Why would I come to you?”

Fear grips him, but he tries to turn the tables.

“Because, I’m the only one who understands you,” he croons deeply. “I’m the only one who knows what you’re going through. I’m the only one willing to teach you. Your resistance is dead, and Luke is a liar.”

She shakes her head is frustration.

“Enough mind games. I’ll decide for myself who’s to be trusted. Answer my question. Did you do it?”

Ben stills and gulps.

She hears him breathe, feels his turmoil roiling.

He’s been vulnerable with her before, but… this is part of his deepest pain. And as much as he hates it, he knows if he doesn’t share the truth, any chance of making her his ally will be shattered. Words won’t do. He approaches, and she stiffens, hearing his wet foot steps drawing closer. A radiating warmth moves up behind her and she can feel his huge presence looming over her shoulder.

Her pulse quickens as she tries to hold her ground, using her anger to keep her keen. She wills her eyes to remain forward, staring at the cave wall.

Then a large hand rises and caresses her cheek.

Rey gasps, and at the instant of contact she’s drawn into a vision.

It’s a memory. The whole heart-wrenching scene plays out before her. Ben sensing his mother in the force, his anger giving way when he feels her longing for him, she sees his thumb move away from the trigger, then his shock as the missiles zoom overhead! She feels his panic, his desperate desire to stop them, his numb shock as the blast goes off, and his throbbing turmoil that he desperately tries to quell as he flies away. She sees his tears in the shower…

He rips his hand back.

 _Damn it._ He hadn’t meant for her to see that last part and Rey knows it. She turns, following the fleeing hand and locks eyes with a hulking, dripping, emotionally wrought Master of Ren.

His expansive chest rises and falls heavily and Rey gulps.

She’s never seen or felt a person more magnetic in her entire life. The gentle pull of the force in her chest now feels like it’s being tugged by a Jakku sandborer in his direction. She thinks of their last meeting. Of the electricity of his fingertips and the softness of his hair and urgency to see if their visions are true.

He didn’t fire on Leia. He wanted to save her. He mourns her now. How bizarre, how utterly breathtaking.

“You’ve never lied to me.”

He says nothing, just staring, taking in every detail of her face, her stance, her power.

“I’m coming to you and you’ll join me.”

He lets out a half-amused scoff at her bravado.

“You’ll be the one joining me, little Jedi.”

She steps forward and he holds his ground. His gaze softens, never leaving hers.

“We’ll see,” she says earnestly.

Their eyes flicker across each other’s faces, expressions soft, curious, honest.

Then he’s gone.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hints at secrets yet to be revealed. 
> 
> Sorry for the short chapters, but things will really pick up from here. 
> 
> Between toddler and two jobs I will get this done eventually, stick with me folks! It's going to get fun and exciting!
> 
> **Making a tweak to this chapter to reflect a future twiiiist.

 

Rey can’t wait any longer.

Leia’s allies are en-route, Luke is helping them plan their next steps. She has to get away while she can.

She sneaks out that night while everyone is sleeping under the musty blankets they found in an old store room. Rows of weary warriors are spread out on the stone floor of the old base, behind the massive fortress doors. She edges along the craggy walls, urging peaceful complete sleep upon those she tip toes by.  

Rey breathes a sigh of relief, slipping around a bend and towards the tunnels when a dark hand snatches her arm.

She spins ready to strike, but it’s Finn. How did she not sense him? He fixes her with a knowing, worried stare.

“I have to go,” she whispers urgently before any words come out his mouth.

“Why? What’s happening? Rey, we need you,” he says still holding her arm.

“You have Luke, and there’s something I have to do. It could help everyone, it could change everything.”

His eyes dart across her face as a deep frown sets in on his forehead. She senses his hesitation and then he says, “How about *I* need you.”

She blinks at him trying to understand.

“You just came back. I don’t want to lose you again. You don’t have to do It alone. Whatever it is, let me help,” his plea shakes her.

Here is someone else who wants and needs her, something she’s never experience her entire life, now suddenly happening again and again in the span of weeks. It was odd, and it makes her uncomfortable and anxious.

She had always been her own person, lonely but free. Now she didn’t know what to make of all these emotional attachments. But what she did know was this, she had to go. She had to do this. Alone. Finn would certainly die. There were bigger forces at work here. She places a hand over his on his arm.

“Thank you. My friend. But I won’t be alone. Please believe in me. I came back once. I’ll come back again.”

“But…”

“You won’t survive where I’m going Finn. I won’t lead you to your death.”

“And how are you going to survive? How does that make me feel any better?”

She sighs in frustration, worried that their conversation will attract attention.

“Please trust me,” she pleads.

Finn bites his lips and swears to himself. He doesn’t know how to express what he wants to, but he tries.

“I’m your teammate, I’ll always be your teammate, I’ll always have your back.”

His words melt her heart. What she would do to be able to just stay here with her new friends and live happy lives with this adopted family. But they’ll never be an end to the war and savagery they face if she doesn’t do something about it. Rey squeezes the former storm trooper’s hand, filling her next words with determination.

 “Thank you. My friend. I will come back.”

He nods, then wraps her up in a tight hug. Rey savors it, trying to memorize every detail.

“Call us if you need help.”

“I will.”

“Rey, be safe.”

“You too.”

She tears herself away, not looking back as she journeys deeper into the mines.

Rey makes her way through the labrynth of caves and tunnels, finally coming to a natural exit blocked by a rockfall. Huffing in amusement ( _lifting rocks)_ then concentration, she summons the force to move the boulders from her path. She looks out in awe at her own growing mastery of this strange force within her. 

She makes her way slowly down a valley leads her back to the bottom of the cliff face that holds the massive bunker doors. Covered in a hood and carrying a fat pack, she slips silently towards the falcon. Her heart beats quickly. She's leaving everyone behind, to meet one of their greatest enemy. Any number of things could go wrong. But remembering the softness of his eyes, and the sincerity of his "you're not alone," she knows it's a risk she must take.  If she could bring him back to the light...

She sighs and finds the hot tug of that cosmic thread in her chest. She thinks, even without a star chart, she’ll be able to find where _he_ is.

Rey opens her eyes and lowers the ramp to the Falcon...

\----

“We’ll see.”

Those words struck deep within him.

Ren, now dry and clothed, aborts his planned rest. There’s no way he can sleep now. He can sleep when he's dead, he thinks. Ren barks commands for his personal shuttle craft to be prepared and stocked. The Silencer would be too cramped… especially if he was bringing back another.

“We’ll see.”

His fists clench tightly. No, _she_ would be the one to turn. He had given too much to this path, to the dark side. He had sacrifice everything he had. It would not be in vain.

But, while Kylo Ren has no intention of leaving the dark side, with her as his ally… maybe he could be free of his master’s oppressive chains. Free to create a future of his own choosing, not only like what Vader started, but better, bigger, more powerful and victorious.

She was the one who could do it with him, he knew it, he felt it.

He knew the moment their fingers touched, and he had seen… her past.

She was just like him. Not only abandoned and tortured and lonely. But he had seen her parents… and most importantly… he saw what she had DONE to the trash parents that abandoned her… the startling, traumatizing truth that she’s kept hidden away.

He feels that warm tug in his chest as he settles behind the controls a short time later. She’ll find him. He knows it.

He punches in the coordinates and disappears into space.

…

Meanwhile, back onboard the Supremacy, in Snoke’s chambers.

The Supreme leader watches from his observation deck as his attack dog Ren blinks out of view, a streak among the stars. The towering twisted force wielder addresses the hooded figure kneeling before him.

“Go. And bring them both to me.”

A feminine voice responds, “As you wish, Master.”


	5. Chapter 5

 

Rey takes one step up the Falcon’s ramp. But she’s not free yet.

“STOP!” A man shouts.

Rey is flung aside!  She tumbles onto the salt flats, rolling on her elbows and knees. Her pack and staff go flying before she pushes herself up as quickly as she can. Panting she stands to see Luke Skywalker in his dark brown robes with wild eyes reaching out towards her.

“You’re going to the enemy,” he says darkly.

“How…” she starts.

“You don’t think I sensed my nephew’s presence in that hut?”

Rey sputters confused.

“But then…why?” She stutters.

“I needed to get to Leia. And I needed to keep you away from _him.”_

She stares for a moment, her stomach dropping as comprehension seeps in.

“And now what? You’ll try to kill me too?”

That strikes a nerve and she can tell. Luke doesn’t answer this and Rey’s had enough of him.

“Did you do it?” She yells. “Is it true? Did you create Kylo Ren?”

“If you leave here, n _ever_ come back.”

Then Luke turns his back on her, marching back across the flats.

“Stop,” she cries. When he keeps walking away she calls her staff to her hand with the force. “Stop!”

And then she strikes him across the back of his shoulders, sending Luke down on his knees. He looks back with a grimace and a growl and calls an antenna from a broken land speeder to his hand.

They fight briefly, trading blows that Luke effortlessly evades. He strikes her in the back with the ease of a master teaching an apprentice a lesson in their own inadequacies. It only makes her madder.

Finally, she reaches back for the saber in her pack, igniting it as it hits her palm. Luke falls back again, cushioning his fall with the force. She stands over the impossible hermit.

“Tell me the truth,” she pleads.

It takes a few moments, but something finally breaks. He peers off into the night as though he can’t stand to look her in the eye as he tells her… about the darkness he sensed inside his nephew, the devastating and bloody future he saw, how he thought he could stop it all from happening. He tells her how, despite the fact that he stayed his hand, that Ben had woken and seen his intent, had destroyed the temple, his students and left him for dead.

“You failed him by thinking his choice was made. It wasn’t,” she says shaking with adrenaline. Then she kneels and meets Luke’s eyes. 

“There’s light and dark in all of us… it didn’t make him a monster… it made him a scared kid who needed your help. You failed him. I won’t.”

“Rey, don’t do this.”

“There’s still light in him… I felt it… If I could bring him back, it could shift the tide. This could be how we win.”

“This is not going to go the way you think.”

“It is. If I go to him, Ben Solo will turn. I saw it…”

“Rey…”

But she’s done talking.

“Tell Leia, I’ll be back.”

And with that she turns, gathering her bags, her staff and saber. Rey finally boards the Millennium Falcon, lifting off and disappearing in a streak of light across the starry sky.

\---

He arrives at Mustafar first.

Walking down the ramp with his heavy footfalls, Kylo Ren lumbers over the stone paths towards the monolithic black castle. Its straight lines pierce skyward in stark juxtaposition to the chaotic lava flows and ragged volcanic rock surrounding it. A lava-fall from within, pours from the center of the structure down a sheer precipice, throwing an eerie glow upon Vader’s sanctuary.

This is his second time visiting Vader’s home. The first time, Snoke had brought him here. His promise of belonging, vengeance and purpose through the First Order had been so seductive. Then Snoke presented him with Vader’s helmet. It was that object that showed him visions of absolute power and glory. But… he couldn’t feel further from power and glory now.

He wanted to see this place for himself, alone, hoping for answers to the turmoil that lay within him. And to wait… for her.

Kylo Ren was never one to feel things in halves, and after feeling her willing finger tips on his… It was all or nothing. She would understand him. She had to.

He remembers his desperation, chasing her through the woods of Star Killer Base. The feeling was urgent, raw and unraveling. All he knew was that he needed to capture her, to drag her back with him and use her power. Now, he knew there was nothing he could take from her that she did not give willingly. Her power was astonishing, her will, steel. He had to convince her, had to show her why she must be by his side. He had to.

He remembers her overwhelming loneliness and sense of betrayal, how she was so utterly alone and lost that she poured her heart out to him, her ultimate enemy. Luke had failed him too, and the rebellion. She was no different. She needed a home and that home was with him.

He walks through the vaulted doors, panels ringing with his footsteps echoing as he marches on metal grates over the impossible heat from the lava below.

This is where Anakin Skywalker died and Darth Vader was born. He knew that much. But he didn’t know much about the man before his fall. His mother never spoke of him beyond the vague tales of Jedi heroism. Skywalker had a queen, before his fall to the dark. What would he have done if she decided to join him? Was it possible? Would Snoke let him keep her? Obviously not. They would have to destroy him. Together.

He finds an exterior platform. Obviously, a meditation spot. Kylo shucks his heavy black outer layers as he sits. He sweats uncomfortably, the heat and fumes of the place burning his throat, but he focuses on overcoming his physical body. He lets his discomfort fall away, feels the anger of this place, and he waits… for her.

She’s coming. He can feel it. He is exulted. Filled to the brim. Eager. Nervous. Determined.

\----

Rey collapses, physically and mentally exhausted, onto the ancient mattress in the Captain’s quarters of the falcon. She doesn’t even bother to take off her shoes. The journey will take most of a day if her calculations are correct. She closes her eyes, allowing the dim lights of the room and the hum of the hyperdrive to lull her into a deep, merciful sleep.

When she opens her eyes, he’s there.

Sitting with his legs crossed, back straight, eyes closed. He’s wearing something closer to a black tank top tucked into those high waisted pants. His muscular arms rest comfortably down on his knees, his fingers are loose, his face relaxed. He shows no anger, rage or despair. He looks peaceful, younger, more… handsome without those things twisting his features. _He looks like a dream,_ she thinks distantly, _so familiar.._.

Rey stares a long time while laying comfortably curled on her side, taking in every detail, every muscle, every curl of hair on his head. There’s no sense of hurry in this place.

Then he opens his eyes.

They are dark, receptive and full of fire, and she feels like a pack of rathtars have been set loose on her insides.

Kylo feels her first. Her intoxicating, electric presence drawing him back down from his meditation. He opens his eyes and feels a thrill race up and down his spine. He keeps his face neutral, but his eyes give him away.  

She appears before him on the platform, hands tucked up under her pillow, knees tucked up as well, she stares openly without the least bit of reservation or shame. He does the same, eyes wandering down the curve of her neck, over her slender shoulder and down her side, swooping back up her hips and down her long, lean legs. Every part of her is taut, powerful, but soft looking and smooth. She’s like a beautiful wild dangerous thing and he longs to reach out. That new part of himself, inexorably drawn to her from the moment they met in the forest on Takodana, is like a drumbeat in his soul telling him, _It is her,_ but he doesn’t know what that means.

Then he remembers her fingers in his hair. How strange and electric the touch.

There’s a strand of hair messily laid across her cheek right now.

Without thinking, he leans down intent on his target. She watches his veined muscles ripple with his slow movement towards her. She feels his warm, strong fingers brushing the hair back across her cheek and she closes her eyes, sighing as she traces the feel of his movement.

There’s something deeply familiar about it, and soothing. But when she opens her eyes, he’s gone.

Rey shoots up on her arms in the dim cabin, looking around her but no one is there. Had it really been him? Surely not. No, it was just a confusing dream. Still… she finds herself almost wishes it had been real.

She sighs and flops back on the bed. If she wanted ‘that’ future, the one from her vision, she had to make him see… _that he belongs with me_.

\-----

Hours later Rey drops out of lightspeed and the feel of him is all around this place. A volcanic wasteland from the looks of it. She follows the flaming thread leading out from her chest towards him.


	6. meeting

She spots a First Order shuttle on a stone landing pad below and puts the Falcon down beside it.

Rey takes several shuttering breaths, trying to sooth her own nerves as she powers down the falcon. An eerie silence fills the cockpit. There’s no going back now. She needs to follow where the force is leading her, even as it’s leading her to … him.

Her eyes narrow through the view port trying to see through the steam and gases and glow of flowing lava that obscure her view.

She spots a seemingly impossible structure beyond, flashes of heat lighting illuminating an almost glass like obelisk looking tower. She realizes it’s a castle, made of some kind of black metal with a reflective sheen stabbing skyward at a staggering height.

Rey takes a few more deep breaths. She removes her outer wrappings, preparing to venture out in the heat. She opts for a sleeveless white undershirt, knee length thin grey pants and attaches her saber to her dual leather belt. She takes another strip of fabric and wraps it around her mouth and nose, not wanting to get a whiff of the volcanic fumes. Rey grabs her staff and her pack and descends the ramp of the Falcon.

\----

She’s here.

He’s felt her essence grow bigger and hotter in his chest until now, her palpable presence strums below the castle. He has spent these last few hours toying with their mysterious connection, following it in his mind, but not disturbing it. And It was absolutely fascinating, like a thin red thread strung out through the endless cosmos, tied to her…

She had managed to open the bond at will in a moment of high emotion. Kylo, ever the intellectual, wants more than that. He seeks to understand it, it’s origin, how they are bond, and how to control it as well.

He’s deep in thought about their puzzling connection when he hears a voice. It’s a soft jumble of broken words, a wheeze of unnatural mechanical breathing, then it vanishes on the wind. He follows it away from the meditation platform and deeper into the castle.

\----

Rey takes not two steps onto the planet before she hears the voices as well.

A woman’s crying.

Mumbling and the word ‘power’

She follows it down a narrow, charred path towards the castle. The structure becoming greater and more imposing the closer she comes. A solid slate of metal the size of her AT-AT walker back home lifts up as she crosses over a molten mote. It slams down shut behind her.

Rey startles, pulling down her mask and looking around her. The floor is made of black grates high over lava flows below. There are no sides to the walkways here. One wrong step would sent anyone plummeting to their death. But it seems at least that the air is more filtered here. Still oppressively hot but breathable.

“Anakin…” a woman whispers beyond.

Rey jumps and spins. Warily, she continues to follow the voice deeper into the castle.

She walks up a set of spiral steps that open up into an expansive platform. The grate floor stretches from wall to wall, with each wall opening to the harsh world beyond. The panoramic view is stunning and as she spins, she finds him!

Rey gasps as Kylo Ren, dressed as she had seen him in her dream (a sweaty sheen on his large bare arms and neck), begins to circle her like a predator. Each is captivated by the other.

She’s wide eyed, caught as if by a dream. He’s here and so is she, vicious enemies who found comfort in one another, meeting on impulse and instinct on a brutal world away from their warring factions. Her heart hammers as they continue to look at one another, his face impassive as always, reveals nothing.

He talks first.

“I’ve been waiting,” he says, his tone softer than the words themselves.

Rey just stares.

His eyes flick down to her saber and she eyes his weapon as well.

“I won’t slash you again, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

He quirks an eyebrow at her.

“Unless you deserve it of course.”

There’s the tiniest quirk of his lip.

His eyes flick down to the saber again, and she lifts it up in her hands examining it.

“You told me it was yours.”

“Yes, I did, didn’t I?” He says thoughtfully, and she can sense that he is pleased. This annoys her, as she remembers the terrifying fight in the woods that left Finn near death, when Kylo Ren had screamed that the saber belonged to him.

“Funny then that it called to me… and not you.”

At that he looks down, but he can’t suppress the smile spreading on his lips. That alone is enough to disarm her.

“True enough,” he says deeply, as he looks up, smoldering eyes locking with hers.

Rey doesn’t know how to reply because her heart is in her throat. As brief as it was, that smile totally transformed his features. The fact that he isn’t arguing with what she said is alarming as well. Was this really the vicious man she fought on Star Killer Base? Who kidnapped her on Takodana?

No. This was the man who held her hand in the hut on Ach-To and told her she wasn’t alone. This was the man who brushed her tear away. The man who cried for his mother in the shower. Who she abandoned her friends for and crossed a galaxy to meet…

He speaks again, breaking her out of her thoughts.

“What do you know about that weapon?” He says deeply.

She’s thrown by the question for a moment.

“Uh… that it was Luke’s.”

His face falls into one of disgust and he shakes off a tick of anger.

“Before that filth,” he spits with a sneer.

Rey gulps and just shakes her head.

He looks cocky now, gesturing to the grand metallic structure around them.

“It belonged to the master of this castle. My grandfather.”

“Darth. Vader.”

His eyes bore into her and Rey is afraid, stunned and head spinning. That name sends ice water down her spine. The most hated man in the galaxy? Wait! The one Luke Skywalker had saved to destroy the empire? Was it… could it be?

He senses her question.

“Their father. Yes.”

Rey gapes. It didn’t make any sense! But Leia, Leia was so good. They both fought so hard against the empire.

“Were you not let in on that secret by the General? Neither was I,” he says bitterly and that strikes her too.

“When the truth came out, I finally realized why they always feared me…” he mutters darkly, while looking down into his clenching fist, “why I was almost put down like an animal.”

Then he finds her eyes again. “I inherited his power. Because it was my destiny, to finish what he started.”

“No! That’s not true!”

Kylo gives her a sharp look, momentarily taken back by the force of her outburst.

There are too many things she wants to say. Rey instead settles for what she knows to be true about her weapon. She lifts it up to him pleading.

“It can’t be his… it doesn’t feel like that…”

“You’re right,” he says solemnly, “follow me.”

He walks off quickly towards another stair case and she jogs to try to keep up with his long strides.

“What? Don’t talk to me in riddles… what do you mean?  It is Darth Vader’s, but it isn’t? Which is it?”

“Do you hear it?” he says instead. She does. The voices are back. There’s mumbled pleading and crying but she can’t make out the words.

“Darth Vader was once Anakin Skywalker. A Jedi master and a good man who fell in love with a Queen, or so the story goes,” Kylo says as he ascends higher and higher into the tower of the castle. Rey listens with rapt attention, hanging on his every word and trying desperately not to stare at his beautiful behind as he walks up the steps ahead of her. The behind she remembers bare. She smothers the memory as she focuses on his voice.

“He was seduced to the dark side. He helped the Empire wipe out the Jedi and take over the Galaxy. His queen died, his children scattered. But despite all he accomplished to bring order to the Empire… he kept a sentiment hidden inside. A conflict. His feelings for the family he abandoned.”

They must be nearing the top of the awesome spire now. The pair walks through a floor and into a dusty room.

“I found this as you arrived.”

Rey gasps as she looks around. The walls are surprisingly lined with light stone. A stain glass window depicting a beautiful, regal looking woman is installed on one end. Ghastly orange/red light streams in through it, illuminating the dust floating within. The floor is clear but all around the walls are decorated with trinkets. A necklace with a jabor snippet, a wedding veil, a swaddling cloth, and on one narrow shelf, the outline of a hilt in the dust.

“Here,” he indicates softly. “It lay here. After Vader severed Luke’s hand, he retrieved the weapon and kept it here, as a memento, along with his other sentimental things. Someone must have stolen it.”

Rey blanches, “he cut off his son’s hand?”

Kylo ignores the question and Rey thinks Vader even more twisted and disturbed than before.

“He built the saber when he was still Anakin Skywalker. That’s why it feels the way it does to you. It was not bled but filled with his light. A Jedi weapon is almost sentient, it has a will, which the Sith bend and break. It called to you out of survival. Nothing more.”

“No,” Rey says softly as she looks at the weapon in her hand. “It was trying to tell me something.”

“When I found it at Maz’s castle, it showed me visions. It showed me…” she hesitates, and he turns to catch her eye over his shoulder.

“It showed me you,” she whispers. “Just before you took me in the woods on Takodana. It showed me you were coming but…”

Rey’s words drift off as she’s lost in thought. She begins to move around the room and Ren’s eyes follow her intently.

If she was being honest with herself, she doesn’t think it’s the first time she’d seen him. He was the faceless figure of her dreams and nightmares that kept her company in the lonely hot nights of Jakku. He felt the same she realizes now.

Rey approaches the stained-glass window and feels the warmth of the glass under her finger tips. She sighs and closes her eyes.   

She lets herself explores the feel of those memories and of her weapon. Things become clear to her.

“It was telling me a story.”

She feels him walking up behind her.

_These are the first steps._

“There was a boy, with a dark figure over him. I had seen the boy many times, in dreams. And then there was you, before a burning temple in the rain in your robes and mask. Then I was running in the forest and you came out from the trees with your saber and I fell… but it wasn’t a warning. It was telling me… where I needed to be. I think… he still wants to save his family.”

She opens her eyes and turns and he’s just a pace away, breathing heavily.

“His attachment was his weakness. He couldn’t let it go. If It wasn’t for his sentiment, he would have been the greatest force existence had ever known. There would have been peace. Total control. His feelings, they sabotaged him, lured him away from the pure power of the dark.”

“Do you really believe that? Or is that what Snoke told you? With the empire there was nothing but suffering, you call that peace? Ben," and at the use of his name a look of surprise and uncertainty passes over his features. "I can feel the conflict in you. It’s tearing you apart. You know the dark isn’t…”

“You have that darkness too,” he croons, ignoring her argument.

“I… yes, but, I know what’s right.”

“You’ve killed. You would have killed me.”

“That was survival…”

“Was it? Don’t you remember?” His voice is impossibly deep, and she shutters.

“I… remember what?”

He tries to choose his next words wisely, looking down at his hands. “What did you see?”

She knows just what he means. Rey closes the distance between them until they’re a hair’s breath away from touching. Ren’s eyes look her up and down, startled by her sudden movement but standing his ground.

“When we touched hands, I saw your future. Just the shape of it but solid and clear. You will not bow before Snoke. You’ll turn. I’ll help you.” She says the last part in a conspiratorial whisper, leaning closer to his face and he forgets how to breath. “I saw it,” she urges, her eyes wide, every part of her being begging him to understand.

Her closeness causes his body to react in ways he struggles to control. Her openness and honesty and hope burns. Still, he fights to keep his breathing even and after a moment he finds his voice.

“I saw something too,” he croons, “And because of what I saw I know that when the moment comes you’ll be the one to turn. Rey.” He says, testing the name on his tongue for the first time, and it exits with a tenderness he didn’t know he possessed. “I saw who your parents are.”

Just as he suspected. She backs away from him, her eyes hardening. She’s locked it all away. Her greatest fear and her greatest weakness. Her parents, and the memories. She’s on the brink of running, but he needs her to stay. Needs her to see, to join him in the dark…

Rey shuts down emotionally, preparing to flee when…

“If she has the dark side, you have an equal amount of the light young Solo.”

Rey and Ren spin around, springing away from each other and igniting their weapons at the sudden intrusion of another voice. What they see leaves them both completely startled.

A wizened old man, translucent and enshrouded in ethereal blue light.

“You…” Comes Ren’s disbelieving voice.

“You denounce attachment as weakness and yet here you are desperate for more than an ally. Those of the dark don’t yearn for company, or has that policy been modified in my absence.”

“Who are you!?” Ren barks.

“Oh, don’t you recognize your own namesake? I suppose there aren’t many holos of myself in existence anymore but I did hope my boyish charm would give me away.”

“Kenobi…” Ren growls.

“Wha…what…?” Rey stutters, still entirely in the dark as to what’s happening and why a see-through old man has suddenly appeared before them.

“I am a projection of the force my dear,” the vision says as it casually strolls through the room, observing the items there. Both Rey and Ren follow him with their blades. “I lived once, and I live on in a manner. I am he who cut that weapon from Vader’s hands when he fell to evil. And I am he who raised and trained the good and brave man who was Anakin Skywalker. He was an extraordinary pupil and a good friend.”

“Why are you here?” Rey finally manages to say. She lowers her saber and deactivates it. Ren keeps his lighted and pointed at the phantom.

“I come with a warning and with wisdom.”

“We don’t need your Jedi lies.”

“So, you prefer Sith lies instead? Or those of your own you keep with Snoke’s help? You fight your own nature so fiercely heir to Skywalker and it’s not entirely your own fault.”

“Shut up! What do you know of it!”

“All,” he says simply and Ren gulps back his rage.

“And I mean to show you.”

Everything happens in slow motion. Rey and Ben are thrown back slightly, both their weapons falling from their hands as they are surrounded by visions.

The walls of the room fall away and they are drawn into memories of Padme’ and Anakin, of Sidious and his manipulation of Anakin’s love and fear. It’s an overwhelming amount of information. Kenobi speaks over it all.

“Anakin loved his mother, loved his wife, loved his children with an obsessive fierceness that drove him to seek unnatural power and hurt his enemies. The price he paid for that power was his soul and all those things he loved. His wife slain at his own hand, there was nothing left for him but to drag all else down into the depths with him. Years later, Luke was his light, made him remember the strength of his humanity. Humanity is what is at stake. Life itself. There is no darkness without the light and visa versa. There must be both.”

The Ghost of Obi-wan approaches where Rey and Ren are on their hands and knees, struggling to absorb the volume and emotional impact of the knowledge they are being shown.

“You who calls yourself Kylo Ren, you fear you are not strong as Darth Vader. You are already stronger. Anakin’s will was always his own… yours has not been.”

Rey loses consciousness collapsing on the floor.

“Rey!” He calls fruitlessly.

“This next part is just for you.”

And the ghost shows him Snoke’s dark aura creeping into his cradle. The vicious voice Ren always thought was his own madness, was in fact a manipulation from his earliest moments in life, a plot to weaken his family and solidify Snoke’s power. But even worse, he sees the depths of his parents’ love, their desperate attempts to help him, his mother holding him after one of his tantrums, his clinging to the light despite decades of the voice in his head. He can’t take it, HE CAN’T STAND IT.

“No! NOO!”

The vision end suddenly and he is left panting and holding his head on the floor.

“Danger approaches. An unbalanced cosmic force calls to you both. We will meet again.”

And the ghost of Kenobi vanishes.

“Rey!” Ben calls, crawling over to her limp form. He props her up against a wall and shakes her shoulders, but her head just slumps to the side. "Rey!"

That’s when he feels it. Another powerful presence in the castle with a killer intent.

If they want to survive, they’re going to have to move. Now.

 

To be continued.


	7. Chapter 7

“Rey!” Ben calls, crawling over to her limp form. He props her up against a wall and shakes her shoulders, but her head just slumps to the side. "Rey!"

That’s when he feels it. Another powerful presence in the castle with a killer intent.

If they want to survive, they’re going to have to move. Now.

\----

Growling, Ren lifts Rey into his arms much the way he did in the forest on Takodana, only this time he holds her head close to his.

“Sorry Grandmother,” he says as he shatters the stain glass window with a fierce kick! He turns to shield them both as a blast of hot air and glass shards fly through the room. Ren carries the limp Reys onto the ledge and leaps, sliding down the near vertical, awesomely high, black metallic spire while angling the force under his feet to slow their descent.  

It’s at this in-opportune moment that Rey returns to consciousness.

She screams in surprise as she startles awake, immediately clinging to Ren and grasping for purchase. The steaming, noxious air roaring by them burns her face and the sense of falling totally disorients her. She smashes her cheek against his, grabbing wildly and he tries to hold her without sending them both plummeting to their deaths.

He’s broad and tall and wide and strong all over and she feels like she's climbing and holding onto a tree. For his part, he feels like he’s being clawed to death by a frightened Nexu.

They land on a ledge and she lets out a yelp as she almost falls, rubble dislodged by her foot plummets below. They’re still impossibly high. He pulls her back and she flattens herself against the wall. Rey has just a moment to scream, “What the kriff is going on!?”

“No time!” He growls.

“Force ghost is gone, you passed out and an enemy is trying to kill us. We have to move.”

“An enemy?”

But he doesn’t respond. Instead, Ren grabs her hard around the waist and jumps again off the ledge again. Rey screams as she clings to the thin fabric of his black tank top. She finally gets her bearings as they fall, lending some of her focus to the little ball of force that she can now sense beneath their feet. She adds her own power to the force, slowing their descent a little more. He looks down at her and she avoids his gaze, keeping her focus on their feet, willing herself not to think about the feel of his body pressed up against hers.

She doesn’t have to worry about it very long.

Finally, he lands smoothly on the ground, letting her go. Rey slides out of his grasp and falls hard on her behind with an oomf! She recovers quickly, standing, patting dust and rocks off of herself and looking at him widely. He seems slightly amused and it pisses her off.

Too much had happened too quickly! She’s confused and scared, not of least of which because Kylo Ren was not the kind of man to run from anything.

“Why are we running?” She finally says.

“I don’t prefer to get caught in a battle right now. We have things to do.” He gives her a meaningful look and she gulps.

“What now?”

“We escape,” he says hurriedly, looking around the corner of the castle wall where they fell, “and try to figure out what the …”

“Ok, we take to Falcon,” Rey says firmly, cutting him off.

“Over my dead body,” he snaps, whipping his face back to hers.

She’s taken a back for a moment by the strength of his rejection.

“That can be arranged,” she says with sass, annoyed at his childishness

“The piece of garbage is a death trap,” he spits.

“The texts!” Rey gasps remembering.

He’s thrown off a moment. “What?”

“The ancient Jedi texts… I stole them from Luke. They’re on the Falcon.”

“You stole them?” He says mildly impressed.

“We need to get them. The hyperdrive’s been janky anyways. I’ll come back for the Falcon later.”

Her words surprise him. Relief and resolve settle on his features. Gratitude washes over him. He nods his head, midnight hair falling over his mole speckled face, chiseled jaw set, the fingers at the ends of his muscular arms twitching. He resists the urge to reach out to her.

Rey swears to herself, as her stomach plunges at the look of him, forcing herself to focus. She’ll come back for the ship Han Solo gave her. Right now, she knows they just need to get away. Together.

_Together._

They both hear the word and their pulses quicken and their eyes lock. Neither is sure of what this is that’s happening, but both are equally assured that they can’t be apart right now.  

Ren breaks their gaze first. Running towards the ships and Rey follows. She uses the force to pull her pack with the text from inside the Falcon and it flies into her waiting hand. She doesn’t miss a beat as they sprint towards Ren’s ship when, _pew pew!_

An adversary flies overhead using jet boots, firing upon them with a blaster!

They scramble for cover behind larger rocks as the attacker lands on the ground before them, rolling and coming up with a red lightsaber of her own. Her dark hood falls back to reveal a young woman’s face. Her skin is pale red segmented by thin black stripes. She has no hair, but small horns ring around the crown of her head.

Kylo steps out of his hiding place, shock clear in his voice, “Sama Ren?”

“You’ve been a naughty boy Kylo. Our Master is displeased with you rendezvous. You’ll both be coming with me,” she sneers in a crackling oily voice and she twirls her saber into a battle stance.

“Snoke is not pleased? Or _you_ are not pleased Samiyaada-Mattay?”

She snarls at the use of her true name.

There’s some sort of dynamic here that Rey is not catching, but she doesn’t care. She takes the moment of distraction to roll out of her hiding place and fire upon the lady Sith.

The one called Sama Ren leaps back with a hissing growl.

Rey and Ren activate their sabers and plunge into battle.

It shouldn’t feel this natural, fighting by his side. But they are like one mind, striking and blocking and protecting each other’s flanks as Sama Ren unleashes a fierce and fast assault, flipping over their heads and wielding her weapon with a quickness Rey has never seen before.

They’re both blasted back with a powerful push of the force. Rey slides across the sharp volcanic rock, shredding the knees of her pants and bloodying her hands and legs as she goes.

“You underestimate me Solo. I am not weak willed and sentimental as you.”

Kylo stands.

“Sentimental? No,” he spits blood, his mouth obviously whacking the ground at some point. “Weak? Yes.”

 _Tch_ , she spits. “I am she who has been graced with Snoke’s singular attentions for all these years. You will find there is much he did not choose to teach a sniveling light sided child like you.”

Without even needing to look at one another, Ren and Rey attack simultaneously from opposite sides.

That’s when Sama releases force lightening from her fingers.

They’re both blown back, stunned but not harmed. In her shock Rey’s light saber goes rolling from her hand!

Sama calls the weapon to her! But both Rey and Kylo pull on it at the same time. It’s a three way battle, with all three shouting their effort, as the saber screams out for resonance, until…!

A white hot explosion of energy sends the adversaries flying as the heirloom saber shatters, the wrecked kyber crystal unleashing a blistering blast of energy that renders the trio unconscious.

When Ben comes to, Rey is standing over his prone body with his weapon in her hands, snarling in the direction of Sama Ren, as a trickle of blood rolls down Rey's temple. 

Sama cackles and mocks Rey, teasing her prey. But before she realizes he is conscious, Ren wraps a tendril of the force around her ankles, and with a violent flail of his arm, Kylo yanks Sama off her feet and over cliff, sending her shrieking, plummeting to the lava below.

Rey doesn't wait. The moment Sama disappears over the edge, she kneels down and flings Kylo's arm around her shoulder. Ears ringing and heads spinning, Rey helps him hobble aboard his shuttle and punches. She drops him with a thud in a common area and limps to the cockpit.

She sets a course for deep uncharted space and punches the launch sequence.

Soon all that's left is the sound of her breathing and the view of stretching star light.

Rey slides out of the command chair and lays panting on the cold hard floor. Ben remains further within but she can't summon the strength to go to him.

So much has happened so quickly… she just needs time to think, time to feel, time to rest.

Without meaning to, exhaustion takes her, slipping into a dreamless sleep.

…

Hours later Rey startles awake, looking at her surrounding in a panic. _How did she get here?_ Slowly she remembers it all. 

She scrambles to her feet and runs deeper into the ship.

It isn't long before she runs into him.

Rey and Kylo Ren both look worse for wear; clothes torn, bodies bloody and covered in soot.

Even so the sight of him takes her breath away. He's all vulnerable eyes, nervously working jaw, flexing arms and shaggy blood caked hair. They don't speak, but circle each other, eyes locked.

Looking at him this intensely makes her feel strange but she can’t think of a single thing to say. There’s an electricity between them, it makes it hard to focus when they’re this close. And now, alone, in space, going force knows where…

It’s so strange. Were they allies now? By necessity, certainly. Her heart refuses to behave normally. She tells herself it’s because he’s so dangerous, so unpredictable, so close.

He’s breathing hard too. He catches glimpses of the feelings flying through her head and they mirror his own. He should be more upset about Sama Ren, about Snoke’s apparent betrayal, about the revelations of the force ghost, but with Rey so close it’s difficult to focus on any of those things. Her power commands attention and respect. So do her eyes. She’s dangerous and wild and easily spooked and he exhibits more self-control around her than he’s had to summon the entire six years he’s been with the First Order.

 

Having her by his side is all that matters, the rest will follow. His intense gaze bores into her, willing her to feel it. 

She senses it, a gentle chant from his mind to hers.

_Allies, allies, allies._

She blinks and shifts uncomfortably. Feeling wanted by him is new and confusing. The duality of this man could give anyone whiplash. She needs answers before she can let herself give in to anything.

“I have questions.”

He just nods.

“Did you know all that? About Vader?”

He shakes his head no.

“Ok,” she says. She thinks she’ll unpack all that later.

“And who was that woman?”

His eye twitches.

Ren's deep voice cracks from disuse since their skirmish. “She came with me after Luke’s temple, but vanished soon after. I thought her dead, but it appears, she’s become Snoke’s new apprentice. Likely trained in isolation all this time. And now…”

 

“Now Snoke wants you dead.”

He makes a deep non-committal sound.

“Possibly. It may also be a test.”

“But the lightening…”

“She was not skilled with it.”

“But what kind of master…”

“None of that matters now,” he croons.

He fixes her with a meaningful gaze and she shifts uncomfortably again. He’s looking at her like she next coming of some savior, or his next meal, and she doesn’t know what he means by it.

“Why?”

He doesn’t answer again, just stares at her deep in thought.

“What do we do now?” She asks exasperated, breaking the silence.

“We build you a new lightsaber.”

This surprises her! He walks away towards the cockpit and she trots after him trying to keep up with his long strides.

“And then what?”

“Then we kill Snoke.”

She gasps, could it be? Was her vision coming true?

“And after that? You’ll come back with me?” She asks, unable to keep the excitement from her voice.

He turns and sees her eyes wide and hopeful. He won’t lie to her.

“No. You’ll stay with me. Rey, we’re stronger together… you and I…” He stops himself and starts again, reaching his hand out the way she once did to him. “I want you to join me. Together we can create a New Order… make things the way they should be.”

Rey stops in her tracks. Horrified, she back away.

“No. Ben. Please, it doesn’t have to be that way…” she pleads.

“No, no you’re still HOLDING ON! Let go!”

She gulps, her face hardening. Rey finds her voice.

“Didn’t you see the same vision the ghost showed me? It won’t work that way. It didn’t work for Vader and it won’t work for us.”

He growls, but she continues.

“Ben… I’m not here for the First Order,” Rey whispers, her mouth speaking things her heart doesn’t yet understand.

He shakes his head, getting her meaning.

“Ben is dead.”

“He’s not!” She calls in a stronger voice, taking a step forward. “He’s you. He’s all of you together. The good and the bad, the young and the now.”

“And who is Rey?” He fires back deeply.

“Do you want to know who your parents are, or have you always known? You’ve just locked it away?”

She takes a bracing breathe as tears now fall freely. He’s diving into a deep dark place she doesn’t want to acknowledge.

“You know the truth. Say it. Say it,” he urges gently.

And she can’t deny the truth any longer. Because she had seen it too. Her deepest pain and her darkest trauma. What she's been lying to herself about her entire life, to give herself the will to carry on as a child alone in the merciless desert.

“They were nobodies,” she cries miserably.

“They were filthy junk traders who sold you for drinking money. They’re dead in a pauper’s grave in the Jakku desert. You have no place in this story. You come from nothing, you’re nothing.”

Rey gulps at the harshness of the words, which strike directly at the heart of her greatest fear. She's worthless, alone, unwanted and unloved, a nobody, a nothing, anonymous trash, made to die alone and unremembered...

“But not to me.”

Her eyes fly up at the unexpected words as shock wracks her body.

“Join me.”

He says, moving cautiously forward with his extended hand.

“Please.”

Her stomach plunges. There it is. Full faced and shameless. That niggling sense she got before. He wants her. Someone wants her. He… cares for her? His loneliness pierces her, his hope too. She's not nothing to him. She's  _something_ to him. To Kylo Ren, attack dog of the First Order, and prodigal son of the rebellion. 

She was right, they are the same, but as much as she wants to take his hand, she can’t betray what she knows is right. She can’t betray her friends, the galaxy… as much as she wants to put her hand in his.

He senses her raging conflict.

Gulping he adds on.

“We could change everything…”

“We can,” she says crying now. Stepping forward, she closes his outstretched hand, wrapping her smaller hands around his now balled fist, “we will. But not through death and oppression and war. Isn’t there another way?”

Rage seeps back under his skin, but her hands on him keep him from lashing out.

“No,” he says stubbornly.

“That’s bantha poodoo!” And the metal around them bends at her frustration.

He stares at her outburt. The tension is unbearable. She has to see! She HAS TO!

“There has to be a way,” Rey says, mirroring his thoughts but they remain at total opposite ends of that vision.

He growls adding his other hand on top of hers.

He vacillates between blinding rage and overwhelming desire for her understanding. How? How would they get there? Was she rejecting him? Was she choosing them? The thought lights the fuse to a powder keg. Madness is seeping in and the room around them shutters and sparks.

She senses the question behind his sudden acute distress.

“I’m staying.”

Her voice and her touch grounds him, are the only things keeping him sane right now.

He holds his breath, wild eyes meeting her own, unaware of his own tears spilling there.

“I’m not joining the dark or the First Order,” her voice cracks with emotion, “but I won’t leave you alone. Not until you come with me.”

She won't leave him alone. The force pulses between them and Kylo feels the scared, angry boy within him long for it to be true.

He’s sure he’s crushing her fingers and he’s thankful she’s made of such tough stuff. Rey just doesn’t understand the extent of her own darkness yet, he thinks. Yes! That’s it, her true nature is still buried, but… he can’t reveal all that yet.

He’s sure she’ll try to escape through the airlock the second he unblocks _that_ memory in her mind. Patience. He has to opt for patience and… wisdom?

Ren struggles for control, his ragged breathing slowly returning to a more normal rhythm. Her thumb strokes his knuckles and it melts him. She’s not running away. She hasn’t left him yet. There’s still time to make her see.

“The books,” he finally says through gritted teeth.

Her eyes suddenly sparkle.

“They’re the original Jedi texts, thousands and thousands of years old. Luke’s been guarding them, refusing to teach anyone anything.”

“You stole them.”

She just looks at him guiltily but she senses his pride.

He looks down at their joined hands and his grip finally relaxes.

“Let’s see if they contain anything of worth.”

And he lets go, heading back towards a small strategy room.

Rey breathes her relief heavily, rubbing her sore fingers, yet strangely missing his warmth.

She felt him on the edge of losing control, was so sure he’s rip the ship apart, but her touch had somehow managed to calm him. Now set on an academic task, he seemed to return to normal, whatever normal was for them. Rey notes the power she has over him that perhaps he doesn’t even completely realize yet. She feels pride and something else, she wishes she understood what it was she was feeling. She is wanted, desperately, by a dangerous man. Her body flushes at the thought. What in the world was she getting herself into? 

Maybe together they could change the future. They weren’t there yet, but she’d certainly settle for killing Snoke for now.

She just prayed that she wouldn’t have to kill _him_ too. She no longer thinks that she could.

 


	8. Chapter 8

Rey follows Kylo hesitantly back into a central strategy room.

There’s a long table with bolted down black seating, computers and readouts, and holo projectors. He’s fishing around for her damn pack when he looks back and finally gets a good look at her, startling himself. She’s filthy and still bleeding.  _Damn it._

He growls loudly and lumbers further on into the ship, “Follow me,” he barks.

She jumps but obeys.

After a short walk down a side passage they enter was appears to be a crew locker room. Rey can sense he is irritated but…  _with himself?_

“Fresher, clothes, bacta, bandages,” he says pointing around the room. Then he marches out.

She’s left standing in the room stunned and unsure of how to feel.

He… he’s… being kind to her? Accommodating? Allowing her something so luxurious in the middle of everything? Again, she thinks the duplicity of him is enough to give anyone whiplash.

It just feels strange, to relax enough to do something as normal as take a shower on the same ship as Kylo Ren. Alone on a ship with Kylo Ren… No. With Ben Solo. The man who murdered his father, and slashed Finn and kidnapped her… but who also held her hand and comforted and encouraged her. The man who just told her meant to reclaim control of the First Order, yet it the same breath told her she wasn’t nothing to him, that she was  _something_. She blushes and decides to inspect the lockers to give herself something to distract her train of thought.

Inside are towels and toiletries and First Order officer uniforms. She finds one with a woman’s uniform of dark muted blues and blacks and takes it back to the freshers.

Were these… real water freshers? Rey gasps and runs into a stall fingering the dials. She turns it a little and real to Force water comes dribbling out. Never in her entire existence has she stood under a water fresher! Even with the resistance they were sonic, shaking the filth from her flesh with sound waves.

Somewhere else in the ship Kylo registers her surprise, excitement and joy and he smirks knowingly to himself. It helps ease the tension still coursing through his body. He guesses correctly that she’s never bathed properly in her entire life.

Rey tears out of her destroyed clothing and hurriedly turns the water full blast. She steps in before it has time to warm, gasping at the chill and hissing as her wounds are washed out. And then it warms deliciously, and it’s what she imagines heaven might be. This wasn’t like trudging through the mucky rain storms on Luke’s island in all her gear. She feels free and pure and glowing and hot. The steam is invigorating. Her muscles, sore from their skirmish, loosen. Then she turns the water to scalding, searing her skin and clearing her mind of everything but the feel of hot water running through her hair, over her chapped lips and down every inch of her body. Blood and dirt run down into the drain.

She stays there for a long time, the recycled water seemingly endless.

But it cannot wash all her troubles away.

Luke’s mistake had been thinking that Ben’s choice was easy. Her mistake had been thinking his choice was simple. Rey struggles to see any outcome to all of this that wouldn’t end in them at each other’s throats, with perhaps one forced to kill the other. He screamed at her to let go, but he was the one clinging to the dogma of his master, the desire to dominate and rule with an iron fist.

Her anxiety continues to build as she rests her forehead on the damp walls.

How could this possibly end well? How could she make him see? Her anxiety gives way to some panic. What if she accidentally betrays her friends and leads them to their deaths? What if he doesn’t let her leave? Was his mind is made up? Were they doomed to repeat the mistakes of Darth Vader? Had she made a tremendous mistake? Did she need to escape?  

Then she feels his mind brush against hers, perhaps sensing her spiking distress, and Rey shutters. Goosebumps break out across her flesh despite her warmth. His presence calms her, and she’s reminded of the moments before he appeared in the hut, and the tremendous relief she felt when he did. She remembers the look in his eyes, and their battle against the Sith, and his control of his fury and frustration because he wasn’t ready to give up on her either. There’s still hope. She isn’t alone. They both want…

Suddenly the ship shutters out of light speed. Rey is jostled, ripped out of her thoughts and into the present. She barely has time to open the shower door before she’s flung back again as the ship takes off in another direction.

Without thinking she flings herself out, grabs a towel and marches angrily into the ship.

“What’s going on? Where are we going?” She yells at Ben as he exits the cockpit looking sheepish.

He’s clean now too and wearing his black overcoat again, looking more like the man she held hands with hut on Ach-to. There must be another fresher on board. His eyes widen a moment, then he looks to the ground.

“Lightsaber. You need a new one. I’m taking us in the right direction to find a kyber crystal.”

“Kyber what?”

He scoffs and meets her eye.

“There’s so much you don’t know.”

There’s an openness and a hunger in his gaze and she realizes she’s standing before him in nothing but a towel, with sopping wet hair hanging around her face and shoulders. Her anger gives way to mortification. Rey stammers.

“I… yeah well…” but instead of finishing the sentence she marches back to the fresher slamming the door behind her.

Kylo lets out a breath and slumps against a wall. He thinks she’ll be the death of him long before they can accomplish their mission.

Once she’s dressed in her First Order uniform, with its seamless sleek lines, Rey returns to find Ren yelling at someone in a holo-projection. _He cannot sit still can he?_

“Leader Snoke demands your immediate return!” Shouts a thin, pale red headed man.

“I have a mission to accomplish first and I will return no sooner Hux,” Kylo says calmly.

“You’ve really done it this time Ren, I’ll be glad to see him pull you apart,” says a spitting mad Hux, approaching apoplectic.

Kylo pauses menacingly then growls, “Not if I get to you first.”

The man in the projection sputters and curses before Ren ignites his blade and destroys the comm link. Rey gasps and brings her hands up to shield herself from sparks and debris. He’s about to plunge his saber into more machinery when she intervenes.

“STOP!” Rey screams, bravely flinging herself between his saber and the equipment. He’s left arms up mid-swing, his unsteady saber crackling dangerously in his hands, and dark hair falling over his eyes.

“What are you doing?” she screams.

“Trackers, comms. They need to go,” he pants in anger.

“Rii’a’s shorts Ben! If you slash these panels you’ll take out half our life support along with the trackers!”

He just growls and she pierces him with her gaze.

“GO! Sit down before you get us all killed. I’ll do this…”

“How dare you tell me what to…”

“GO SIT!” She shouts with as much force as she can muster.

For a second, she thinks a vein in his head might burst, but he makes an unintelligible grunt and stalks away, returning his saber to his belt.

Rey lets out a shaky sigh of relief. _What am I going to do with him?_

She mutters about moody Skywalker men as she busts open some panels and gets to work on disabling the devices that would allow the First Order to find them. After a while, she marches exasperated into long cockpit, where she finds him sulking in a command chair like a child. She huffs and goes by him, opening another panel under the control console and works on disabling the processes there.

He just watches her work, stealing occasional glances as she yanks on wires and clanks her tools under the control board.  

“That should do it,” Rey stands and he sits and the awkward tension is unbearable. Rey notes that he’s too large for the seat, he’s too large for most settings, and she almost wants to laugh.

He looks her up and down in her uniform, raises an eyebrow and says in a deep, even voice, “You would make a terrible officer.”

At first she doesn’t know whether to be offended but then it’s clear… he’s making a joke.  _A joke?_

The corners of his lips pull and there’s a glimmer in his eyes. He’s obviously recovered from her scolding.

Rey huffs a half laugh. He’s right of course.

“Why? Because I wouldn’t listen to you?” She snarks back cooly.

The pull at his lips turns into a full-blown smile that he tries and fails to suppress. It paints a picture of roguish handsomness that catches her off guard and makes her tingly inside. His mood appears to have improved.

“If you assigned me to, Hux was it? I think you’d be very satisfied with my work.”

Satisfaction indeed rolls off him in waves at the thought of her dispatching his sniveling rival.

“You’re hired,” he rumbles.

Then she gives him the first real smile she’s ever given him, and it’s his turn to stop breathing. Her round face glows, bright eyes full of youth and sincerity and humor. But then, he thinks nothing will be quite as beautiful as the sight of her standing with his ragged saber in her tiny hands as she defended him bodily from their shared enemy. Why had she done it? Why was she choosing to stay?

“Were you always this funny?” she asks, pulling him out of his thoughts.

“I’ve always been under appreciated,” he deadpans.

He half wants to tell her he was raised with sarcasm as his first language but the memories are too painful. Again, he remembers their worried whispers in the night, talking about him like a thing that wasn’t their son. But then a new memory is dredged up. He tries to suppress the sight of Han ruffling his hair and sweeping his mother into a kiss, but it slips through his emotional defenses. The interaction with the ghost of Kenobi has left him raw and exposed.

Rey gets flashes of the beautiful family scene and halts, startled. Where had that come from?

He can sense she saw it and he can’t stand it. He rises and stalks back to the strategy room. Rey follows.

“What did the ghost tell you… after I knocked out. He told you something else, didn’t he?”

He doesn’t speak. Rey tries to take another peek into his mind and he blocks her.

“Don’t do that,” he says low and firm, giving her a sharp look over his shoulder.

She crosses her arms and returns his fierce frown.

“Then _you_ don’t do that to me either.”

 He lets go an uncharacteristic sigh and sits at the strategy room table, pulling up some star charts on a display built into the table. Rey takes some tentative steps forwards, sensing his resolve to keep her out wavering.

“What was that… Kenobi person?”

“A force projection,” he answers without looking at her. “He was a Jedi knight, killed by Vader. But his energy, and personality lives on. I’ve heard stories, but I’ve never seen…”

Rey’s mind is racing. She’s new to all of this, but to think that someone like Ben who’s learned about the force all his life, is just as surprised as she is… Rey sits close beside him, and he looks startled for a moment. _Did she not learn about personal space on Jakku?_   Locking eyes with her again, there's softness and questioning on his face. She’s eager and sincere.

“Do you believe him? What the ghost said? What he showed us?”

There’s no sense in lying he thinks. Her wide eyes and sweet voice compel his complete honesty.

“Yes,” he whispers.

It was true, wasn’t it? As much as he wanted to doubt it, it made sense. He had been manipulated his entire life. Did that mean his decisions were not entirely his own? No. Snoke didn’t force his uncle’s hand when he tried to kill him in his sleep, didn’t force his parents to abandon him. No, he thinks he was always destined for this path, Snoke only helped the process along. But Snoke had lied to him hadn’t he? About where to find power? Was Snoke holding him back? Setting him to fail? To be controlled? To be broken like a dog?

Han’s face on Star Killer flashes in his mind and Ren’s eyes darken.

“ _He’s only using you for your power”_

Looking down he clenches his fists and shakes with suppressed rage… and pain. Han’s words ring truer than ever and his death continues to leave him weak and unbalanced and wracked with… guilt.

Rey notes the shift in his mood instantly; senses his thoughts linger on Han.

She has an urge to reach out and take his hand but she resists. She remembers the horror of Han’s death, still fresh in her mind. This man sacrificed his father for a master who wants him dead.

 _I gave him everything,_ Rey hears in her mind. She can’t imagine what’s happening within him.

“Vader gave everything as well,” she says gently. He meets her gaze again and she gulps as the watery vulnerability she finds there. “He thought he was saving them… his family… but it was a lie.”

She’s emboldened by his complete attention.

“The Queen… she died because he was jealous and afraid and drunk on power. But I think he always regretted it. The things he kept in the tower… I think he wishes he could have made a different choice.”

“I will never return to the light,” he says low and firm.

Rey closes her eyes. and reaches for his signature in the force.

He watches her, enraptured. He remembers their battle on Star Killer, when she also closed her eyes, took a breath and summoned the cosmic force to defeat him. Instead of anger, he was only amazed, longing even more so to find her again and harness her power. He feels her light envelope him, like a heavy, warm blanket and he almost sighs at the relief he feels from his internal strife. But she is not all light either. He can see it clearly now. The root of her darkness is locked away, she refuses to take hold of it and let her pain and anger strengthen her.

Rey feels the tumultuous dark within him, it’s suffocating and for a moment she is afraid. But through the blackness and anxiety, pain and fear, she sees it. The specks of light. His hope and his… love? Those thinks are not dead! He just refuses to draw them out and let them strengthen him. Maybe, together, they could find a middle way.   

“Maybe you don’t have to…” she hears herself say. Rey opens her eyes.

Her words move him and suddenly his aura shifts. It’s warm and… grateful? They’re captured in a moment and Rey doesn’t know if it’s her imagination but it’s almost as if their faces are getting closer together and then…

Her stomach growls. Loudly.

The moment in broken.

Kylo bangs his fists on the table and Rey jumps wide eyed. Then he rises and disappears around a corner and she leans over looking after him.  _What in the world?_

Again, she senses that he’s more upset with himself than anything else.

What he returns with blows her mind. A floating rectangular kitchen droid. It pulls up to the tables and opens various whirling, moving compartment with cooked meats and veggies and starches and fruits!

He’s feeding her? He’s feeding her!

The smell is divine as she throws open the little doors, pulling scalding hot foods out onto a tray that is dispensed to her.

Rey eats like an animal. Ren watches her (slightly amused and slightly disturbed) and she has no shame, using her hands and teeth to tear into everything instead of the utensils given to her.

“I should have fed you first. On Star Killer,” he says after a while, barely touching his own helping. “You might have stayed then.”

“Keep that in mind for your next kidnapping,” she says through a mouth full of tatters.

He tilts his head up to the ceiling as he tries to hide yet another smile.

Why does he love it when she snarks him so much? Is it because no one else would dare? Is it because she doesn’t fear him like everyone else in his dark, bitter life? She’s sharp and he deeply appreciates her wit and her strength. For someone who had shunned sentiment, he sure was struggling to get a grip on himself. So instead he just lets her talk. 

Soon Rey is going on and on about the island and everything Luke said and did and how he tried to stop her from leaving though she fudges the details on that one for obvious reason. Ren doesn’t know the rebels survived and for some reason she feels badly for not telling the truth. That is madness, she has people to protect and a bigger purpose to serve here. She must remember that.

He listens intently. At least he can agree with his uncle on one thing… the Jedi needed to end.

Speaking of… Ren pulls up the ancient Jedi texts and begins examining them, turning the ancient tomes over and over in his gloved hands and delicately turning the pages.

They sit in companionable silence and Rey thinks it’s like an alternate dimension. The Jedi Killer and a fledgling Jedi having peaceful dinner together.

He frowns in concentration. His nose is sharp and he makes tiny expressions as he read and fingers the pages and she can’t help but find it endearing and totally antithetical to his image. Kylo Ren, vicious First Order attack dog feared across the galaxy! And secret studious book worm. Rey giggles and his eyes fly up and she chokes …

He shakes his head and quirks an eyebrow, piercing her with a questioning gaze. She changes the subject instead.

“That woman, I don’t think she died when she fell, so she’ll probably still be chasing us. What is she? A Sith or a Knight or what?”

He looks thoughtful for a moment.

“She’s Snoke’s secret apprentice. Her eyes were different… I’ve heard of this before. She’s likely a full Sith now. She was a knight until she vanished.” 

“Why did you ask if she was upset? It felt weird, like it made her even angrier.”

She’s met with a blank expression.

Then in an even tone he says, “After Luke’s temple, when I first came to Snoke… I had… moments of weakness, of doubt. She was much older and she used my weakness to take advantage of my body.”

Rey’s mouth falls open, food falling from her fork.

“She said she was helping me let go,” he says matter-of-factly, but his eyes look haunted, staring down at his opening and closing fist. “But as I became stronger, more secure in Snoke’s teachings, I no longer allowed such indulgences. She was not pleased and vanished shortly after.”

Rey just nods uncomfortably. Holy shit, how had she stumbled into the story of Kylo Ren’s sex life? She thinks about her virginity and how he’s much older than her as well, maybe 30 while she’s not even 20. Growing up fighting for survival on a back-water world with few humanoids didn’t exactly lend itself to the prospect of romantic relationships. On the contrary, she spent most of her life keeping every living creature away from her.

But beyond that, his honesty is stunning. He doesn’t even try to sugar coat it. She appreciates it and it blows her mind that even men could fall victim to the predators out there.

She’s dizzy with all the revelations of the day. He doesn’t need or want her sympathy, but… what she can do is share her own pain… so he doesn’t feel alone.

“I…” She can’t bring herself to say it. So she shows him instead.

A night of terror, half remembered. When she was maybe 10 standard years old and still lived in a communal tent in Niima outpost. Two men had grabbed her, forced her to the ground. They said filthy things and smelled of alcohol and tried to take her clothes off. She doesn’t remember what happened next, but somehow one of their knives was in her hand and she was swinging as viciously as she could. They both bled out and that night she decided to stay permanently in the AT-AT walker she visited every day to etch her tallies in. Maybe out there they wouldn’t bother her.

“It was my first kill,” she says shaking, fists clenched in her lap.

“It wasn’t,” he says.

Rey stands and walks away. She rejects his words outright, not putting the slightest effort into understand why he said them.

She’s emotionally spent. She needs to sleep.

Rey runs through the halls looking for a place to lay her head. She has tunnel vision. She blocks the world out.

Ren catches her, grabbing one wrist and spinning her around. Rey tries to slap him with the other, but he catches it, she’s trapped between his hulking body and the wall.

“I’m not a monster,” she whimpers.

It pierces his very soul, resonates with his entire being. His head slides down, resting beside hers. He pushed too far.

“I’m sorry,” is all he says.

The floodgates open. Rey cries and beats his chest. When she finally loses strength, her knees buckle, and his arms wrap around her, holding her up. He’s so broad and solid and seemingly everywhere around her, and he smells earthy and clean. Why was she letting him so close? She’d never touched another human so much in her life, nor cried so much in the presence of another living creature as she has with him. But somehow, for some reason, she doesn’t want to push him away. She is not embarrassed. His warmth is almost familiar. It feels… right.

For his part he can’t get enough, can’t be close enough to her. From the moment he ensnared her in forest and interrogated her, that strumming draw has been there, pulling him like gravity towards her. He’s never needed another human like this, hadn’t touched someone without violence in years. Even growing up he was starved of human affection, spending most of his time with robotic nannies. And now, her warmth is like a drug, something denied him his entire life and he wants it, wants her, he doesn’t even know how to define it, just knows that he doesn’t want to leave her side. He doesn’t want to not be touching her. It feels… right.

“This way,” he supports her to a room nearby. The strength of him even without the force is considerable, as his muscular arms hold her weight with no effort at all. A door slides open and he deposits her on a bed. He lays her down fully clothed and moves to leave.

Her hand flies up and catches his finger.

“Why me? Why be kind to only me?”

His hand makes its way back to her and he allows himself to sweep her hair back from her face. Then gently wipes the tears from her cheeks. She melts into his touch. Her heart races and when she opens her eyes again he says…

“You know why.”

And he leaves her to rest.


	9. Chapter 9

“You know why.”

It echoes in her mind over and over again.

“You’re nothing, but not to me.”

She isn’t nothing despite what her parents did.

Her parents.

Blackness grips her heart and Rey clenches her fists to her chest.

Why couldn’t they love her? Why was belonging never where she thought it should be?

Why has everyone pushed her away or tried to use her? The legendary hero Luke Skywalker was nothing but a broken man who broke his nephew. Even the rebellion needed her towards an end... and while Finn was her first true friend, the first person to actually come back for her and care if she lived or died, Ben was the first to peer into her very soul and _want_ her despite all the terrible things that hid there. All the things she had done to survive. All the lies. All the pain. He’s peered into her very soul, and her into his.

And they’ve chosen to run towards each other, instead of away.

He desperately wants her. Putting everything on the line to understand her and win her as an ally.

Not only that…

_“You know why.”_

He wants more than an ally.

She can feel it and she’s afraid. Not of his want… but hers. She’s never felt such a thing for anyone or anything. She’s only ever wanted her parents to return and to survive. When she met Finn, she wanted to protect her new friends. But this feeling… It wasn’t like the warm, secure, loyal comradery feeling she felt with Finn. This feeling was dangerous and hungry. It makes her body tingly and hot.

She sighs and rolls over burying her head under a firm grey pillow.  

 _Focus. Is this truly my place?_ Her head hurts thinking about it. It certainly seems like she’s at least meant to be here now in this moment. Rey supposes the rest will play out as the force sees fit.

But her mind wont cease. Her life-long comfort mechanisms are gone.

“I’ll come back for you sweetheart, I promise.” It had all been a lie hadn’t it? Something she told herself to give herself a reason to live. Rey rolls and rolls in bed desperate for sleep…

\---

“ _I’m not a monster._ ”

How many times had he said that to himself, alone in his room after hearing and feeling his parents’ worry and fear over him. Alone with the voice that told him they could never love him the way he was.

_Was it all a lie? Was it Snoke all along? If the voice was not there, would things have turned out any differently?_

He hasn’t had the time to stop and truly think about it. And now, painfully alone in his quiet, antiseptic chamber, the man who calls himself Kylo Ren is assailed by his doubts, his demons and his memories.

Cold dread fills him. Ren rips his outer shirt away and punches a wall, denting the durasteel. He collapses on his long, narrow bed clutching his aching fist as terror and rage build in his chest. His illusions have been torn away, how can he face it? He can’t stand to feel it!

Stars! His parents! They could sense it couldn’t they? There actually was something monstrous in their son. Luke was their last hope, and he failed spectacularly. It was all HIS fault! Why couldn’t Luke save him? Why could no one see what was truly happening? Why could no one see Ben?

Ren rolls into a ball and pulls at his hair…

Then the sound is sucked out of the room.

A warm presence manifests at his back and his bed bends under a new weight.

Back to back their minds ease. Desperate relief covers them like a heavy warm blanket, giving their tattered minds a break. Their tears dry. Their breathing slows. They are not alone. They are being understood. They have a purpose… together.

He wants to ask her a million questions. Did she mean what she said in the castle? Had she dreamed of him even as a child? How were they linked? How did the force connection come to be? Was it always there? Or did it come to life in the interrogation room on Star Killer base? Was this destiny? Was she the tiny voice he heard whimpering in his dreams as a teenager at Luke’s temple? The little girl he would comfort in his dreams? The one he thought was just a representation of himself, a manifestation of his own loneliness and sense of betrayal? Was she real? Did he wish her into being?

So many questions but sleep quickly claims them both.

\---

Rey dreams of the little boy again.

Little Ben is maybe 10 years old. He sits in white robes at a little desk, jotting on scraps of paper with a long quill and giggling to himself as he makes bits of paper zoom around and bounce off each other. He has big ears, short cut black hair and a goofy grin. She smiles at his joy, but soon a mass of darkness appears at his shoulder. The boy’s joy is sucked away by a monster whispering terrible things in his ear.

His little papers catch fire. He gasps and pushes away from the desk, afraid of himself, panting and confused and frightened.

Rey won’t stand for it.

She rushes forward wrapping the panicking child in her arms.

“NO,” he cries, “Who are you? Stop! I’ll hurt you! Make it stop! The fire, there’s a fire. I don’t know what I did. Run lady, I don’t want to hurt you!”

“You won’t hurt me Ben. You didn’t do this. The bad man did, it wasn’t you kid.”

He continues to struggle in her arms, confused and terrified.

“Mom will kill me,” he cries. “Mom and dad will kill me, they’ll send me away. They’ll have me locked up. Why am I bad?” he sobs, “Why am I bad?”

Rey’s heart shatters. She holds him tightly as she shutters with repressed sobs of her own.

“You’re not bad,” she repeats over and over again, her voice cracking. Rey envelopes him in light, willing him to hear and believe her words. He starts to calm, his sobs reduce to whimpers.

“It’s not your fault Ben.”

Then she’s filled with rage.

“It’s him. Can you see it? Look Ben, it’s not you. It’s that thing.”

And little Ben sees it for the first time. He gasps. “What Is it, what is it?” He cries.

“That’s the real monster, not you.”

“Make it go away!”

She intends to.

It grows menacingly before them, like black smoke towering to the ceiling of his room. Little Ben shakes with fear in her arms.

“Be brave Ben. I’ve got you.”

“I can’t fight it.”

“You can. You’re not alone. I’ll help you.”

Indeed. Indeed. “Concentrate Ben. Tell it to go.”

“I can’t,” he cries miserably.

“You can. Feel my strength. You’re strong too. So strong Ben, you have no idea. Tell it to go away and never come back.”

“Ok,” comes his tiny voice. “I’ll try.”

Finally calming in her arms, little Ben closes his eyes and scrunches his face in concentration.

“Go away,” he whispers.

Suddenly the darkness whips around them like a storm, blowing them down to the ground. Evil and dread surround them. “Miiine,” a malevolent hiss says.

 “I’ve got you!” Rey shouts into the wind, Ben still tight in her arms. He throws out an arm and shouts, “Leave me alone!”

She feels it. The darkness like a parasite is anchored to the boy’s mind. She closes her eyes and can sense the black thread sunk deep in his psyche.

“Ben! The string, do you feel it?”

She shows him the image in her mind and together they focus on it.

“Rip him out!” Rey screams.

“LEAVE ME ALONE!” He screams.

The monster roars in a rage!

And then, it’s gone. The thread snaps. The winds vanish. The sense of evil dissipates. When Rey opens her eyes her and little Ben are in an all-white room, seemingly endless in every direction. He’s still clinging to her on the ground. They both look around shocked and curious.

“What is this place?” comes his little voice.

“I don’t know,” says Rey.

He looks back up to her.

“Who are you?” he asks.

She gives him a small smile.

“I’m Rey.”

Ben looks at her with watery eyes and lunges back at her, wrapping his arms around her neck in a fierce hug.

“Thank you, Rey,” he says.

Everything starts to change again. The boy grows, his aura is all around her. When Rey opens her eyes again, she’s back in her dark, metallic room on board Ren’s ship, on the thin bunk mattress, with a fully-grown Ben Solo draped crushingly over her body, his face tucked into her neck which she feels slick with the wet of tears. She can only see the top of his shaggy mop of jet black hair.

He huffs and tightens his grip around her and awareness courses through her body. Instinctually, and with one free hand, Rey’s fingers work their way into his curls in comforting strokes.

“Rey, Rey,” he rumbles and the sound sends shivers down her spine. The weight of him is heavy but delicious, comforting and warm. _Safe!_ She feels safe with him all around her like this.

His hair is thick and soft, his breath hot on her neck. She massages his scalp and feels the tension melting away. His taut muscles relax, his breathing slows, his lips brush her throat as he whispers.

“Stay with me.”

And it’s like this that they fall asleep again.

\----

Rey startles awake in her bleak room. Alone.

_Was that… a dream? Impossible. It was too real!_

She feels his turmoil in the force. Rey flings her thin blanket away and grabs her boots on the ground where she kicked them off in the night. The door slides open with a pneumatic hiss as Rey marches down the dark halls, her footsteps echoing in the dim, sleep cycle lighting. Again she feels a roiling of volatile emotions from within and her pulse quickens.

Rey turns the corner into the strategy room and immediately gasps, nearly running into a dark blob that is a hulking Ben Solo.

She takes a step back and he stands, fists opening and closing at his side. His hair is wild, his expression vulnerable. He wears a black tank and his tight black high waisted pants, with suspenders hanging down on either side of him. He’s covered in a sheen of sweat, and Rey, heart racing, notes the circular scar in his shoulder where she stabbed him on Star Killer, and the dip of her slash down his collar bone, more stark now than their shared vision on Luke’s island…

“It’s quiet,” he says, startling Rey out of her observations.

“What?”

“In my head,” he says lowly, a hand rising to his temple. “For the first time in my life. It’s quiet.”

She looks stunned. What does he mean? Has that sinister voice always been there? Was it real?

“What did you do?” he asks gravely, lowering his hand and piercing her with his gaze.

Rey takes a few minutes to compose her warring thoughts, trying to remember the details of the dream. She closes her eyes and speaks.

“There was something… attached to you. It was unnatural. I think it may have been there for a very long time.”

He stands chest heaving, looking lost and verging on losing control.

“It was Snoke,” he whispers. Then something important occurs to him and his face shoots up.

“That means…“

Ben’s eyes go wide, and he runs to the cockpit past Rey, who turns and follows. He starts punching in commands, resetting their coordinates.

“He knows where we are,” Ren growls.

Rey’s blood runs cold.

She runs up beside him, bumping his shoulder as they look over the instruments. The ship shutters and they lurch forward as they fall out of hyperspace. A brown world is small in the distance.

“Where are we?”

“Jeddah. The civilization destroyed for its Kyber decades ago. But there are unexplored cave systems here. Kyber documented by scouts just a few years ago…”

He trails off as a low beeping grows louder.  A holo-projection comes to life before them.

“A ship just came out of hyperspace,” Rey says startled.

“It’s her,” he says, face expressionless.

Rey gulps, kicking herself mentally. “I should have blasted her ship as we left.”

But there’s no time for regret.

Ren is busy at the console, pulling up star charts and mumbling to himself.

“Is there somewhere else we can go?”

He just growls. Warning lights and alarms go off.

“A destroyer!” Rey yells. It’s much closer than the Sith woman’s ship. She must have spotted them and called for backup.

Ren grunts a half curse, commanding the steering and wheeling the ship around.

“Weapons! There!” He shouts pointing to the far end of the long control console. Rey flings herself into a seat, shoving on head sets and pulling up controls. This is more advanced than she’s used to using but she figures it out fast enough.

“How long before we can jump?”

“Two minutes!”

Just then a contingent of Tie fighters launches from the Destroyer and they’re closing in fast. Ren takes them as fast as they can go before lightspeed and Rey’s weapons light up the inky darkness of space as the Ties descend upon them. The shuttle yawns and dives and turns in ways almost unnatural for its bulky frame.

The Sith woman’s voice comes drifting silkily over a backup communication channel as they dive and swerve and fire.

“Surrender now and I may show you mercy Ren. I’m certain the Supreme Leader would be happier to kill you himself.”

“Still hoping for a goodbye fuck eh Sama?”

 The woman hisses curses in half a dozen languages before Ren slams his fist into the panel.

“You missed a channel,” he shouts in Rey’s direction as he takes them into a perilous spinning loop.

“At least we have life support!” Rey yells back, firing at an advance of Ties that are spinning into a line as they try to keep up with Ren’s maneuvers, making them easy targets for Rey’s canons.

“Woohoo!” She shouts, taking out five at once.

She looks back at Ren who has a smirk on his face and she beams, adrenaline pumping. They work together in a space battle just as well as they did on the ground with their lightsabers. Of course, Han Solo’s son would be one of the greatest pilots in the galaxy. She’s never seen anyone fly like this, not in real life anyways. The force flows between them, coordinating their movements. It’s exhilarating!

Just then, another Destroyer blinks into existence and they dead dive straight down the side, roaring past the bridge making the officers within duck for cover.

“Woah! Did they send the entire First Order after you?”

“10 seconds!” Ben shouts instead.

Another wave of fighters come their way! Ben must clear them in order to make the jump without them being obliterated!

There’s no time to go around!

“What are you doing!?” Rey screams as Ben heads straight towards the approaching swarm. Blaster fire rains upon them, the craft shutters, the shields whine and warp with the onslaught, warning alarms sound, it won’t hold long!

“Beeeeennnnn!”

And then they’re through, bursting past the Tie fighter swarm they emerge on the other side just as they launch into hyperspace.

A breath. And then another. _Alive? We’re alive?_

Rey can’t believe it, but the stretching blue streaks of starlight confirm they’ve successfully made the jump. Then she looks over to see an incredible sight. Ben is smiling. Smiling! After all that. A low guffaw exits his mouth, followed by real to force laughter.

 _Stars, I broke Kylo Ren._ Rey thinks incredulously.

Then she hears it.

 _Free!_ He thinks. He’s never felt so free, so unburdened, untethered, so himself. Never ever. He can feel without fear and he doesn’t remember having this sensation his entire life, even as a child. So free! Was this what it was like to be like everyone else? If things were different, could he have been the son they always wanted?

The joyous sounds catch in his throat, suddenly dead. It was all taken from him, and everyone who was supposed to help him had failed him. Proven their weakness. The bitterness in his heart continues to drive him. He’ll destroy Snoke, avenge himself and then… then he’ll make the galaxy as _he_ saw fit. With Rey by his side.

He looks up from where he’s still sitting and sees her approaching, reaching out a tentative hand in concern.

Everyone failed to save him… until her. And he won’t be without her.

He stands suddenly, towering over her and Rey stumbles back in surprise.

A warm hand at her lower back braces her fall, instead pulling her forward until she hits his chest with an oomf. She opens her eyes and sees she’s bracing herself with one arm across his chest between them and one hand on his pec.   

She freezes eyes wide as her mind whites out leaving nothing but the awareness of his big warm body and the intensity in his eyes which capture her like a tractor beam…

The “dream” is still fresh, remembering his body against hers and the feel of his lips at her neck and his whispered plea for her to stay. For him, the overwhelming awe and gratitude and vulnerability are still raw. She was his savior in his deepest darkest pain. How was any of this possible? But more importantly, what would they do about it now? How would they survive long enough to explore what this truly is?

Resolve settles in his chest. They need as much knowledge as possible if they were going to take on Snoke together and live.

“Come,” he says softly and the word reverberates in his chest and she feels it in her bracing arms.

He lets go gently and walks back to the strategy room. Rey follows slowly, almost shyly, willing her racing heart to settle. She admonishes herself for longing for his touch.

Ben gathers the Jedi texts that have been strewn about the ship in the melee.

“We need to know what this connection is. How it works. And we need to know how to defeat Snoke.”

That catches Rey’s attention. She stands straighter, more focused.

 _Yes. Defeat the real monster_ , she thinks.

She grabs one of the texts from Ben and settles on the opposite end of the long black table.

“Where are we going now?” She asks as she gingerly opens the tattered pages.

Ben thinks a moment then locks eyes with her again.

“Where they’ll never suspect I’d go.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Conversations in space.

"Lando?" she asks.

"A swindler. He can get us a clean ship and passage to where we need to go."

Rey's mind races.

 _Lando_? Isn't that the man who was coming to the aid of the Resistance when she left? The one she overheard was Han's best friend? The one who knows the Resistance is alive and will likely report back to them? Or worse, capture her and Ren?

Ben's right, no one would suspect he'd make contact with anyone related to his family. But it's also a terrible, terrible idea. Rey does her best to shield her thoughts but Ben senses her trepidation.

He narrows his eyes at her. Rey feels his mind reaching for hers but she mentally swats him away. He looks startled.

"You said you wouldn't do that, if I didn't do it to you."

"Why are you nervous?"

"I know that name. He's your family's friend. Won't he betray you?"

 _Of course,_ he thinks. He sometimes forgets his family took her in, tried to force her to be the hero that he could never be.

"Yes," Ben answers simply. "But we won't need him long. We take him by surprise, get what we need, dispose of him and go."

Rey's stomach plunges. They stare at each other, her eyes wide. She's starkly reminded of the killer sitting before her, so casually plotting destroying the life of a man he may have once loved. The killer whose arms she longed to be held by just minutes ago. They were the same arms that slew his father and countless others.

Cold fear prickles her skin. How could she forget so easily? How could she be taken by him so completely? And now he's here talking about throwing this family friend away like so much…

"Garbage…" she whispers dangerously.

"Rey..."

"Human beings are not garbage for you to throw away!" She cuts off his question with vehemence.

Ben says nothing. He sits straighter and simply ponders, never taking his eyes off her face.

_Hmm, so this is why she's so against killing, even when it's necessary. Her greatest weakness through and through. Still just an abandoned child, unable to let go. Empathetic even with scum._

Her scars run far deeper than he anticipated.

Rey continues fuming. This is all wrong. His calm thoughtful gaze irks her.

"I won't help you kill him."

"You don't have to."

She blinks. Then frowns again. She won't be appeased so easily.

"I won't let you kill him either."

Now Ben's anger is stoked and sensing his irritation gives Rey at least some satisfaction. But starting a blow up, knock down argument is not what she wants to do right now. She sighs.

"Can't you leave him alive?"

"No."

"Damn it Ben!"

She inadvertently sends her seat flying back as she stands gripping the table. It shatters against the wall behind her.

He just looks at her with that infuriating contemplative look of his again and she marches away into the ship, not sure where she's going.

After storming off and taking a few blind turns Rey ends up in a small black kitchen nook and enlists several droids to her aid.

She stews over a stew, stuffing her face with savory meats and breads and cheeses and cursing the First Order for their viciousness and excellent cooking. Ben's casual violence frightens her and she knows for certain she wants no part in it. But she also knows she needs a new light saber if they're going to take on Snoke…

Then something interesting occurs to her. Rey marches back to the room where Ben has resumed reading the ancient texts.

"You could have lied. Why tell me your plan if you knew I wouldn't like it?"

"My offer stands," he says still looking at the books.

"What?"

He turns and meets her eyes again and she finds honesty there.

"I want you to join me. I won't lie to my partner. I also won't let us be followed and killed."

She's stunned.

Inexplicable guilt swirls in her gut. If he knew the Resistance was alive he would surely go with a different plan…

No. She has to protect them at all costs. Obviously, there is still work to do on bringing Ben back to the light. She'll find a way to keep Lando alive. In the meantime…

Ben goes on when she doesn't respond.

"If we want to destroy Snoke the path will not be neat and kind. It will be paved in blood. He will guarantee it."

_Think Rey, think._

"How will you know it's a clean ship? He'll try to sabotage it."

"His mind is weak. An open book. And in case you've forgotten, we are adept at reading minds."

Rey throws a book at him which he halts mid-air without lifting a finger.

She lets go a frustrated growl and starts to pace.

He smirks darkly. He enjoys her outbursts.

"Striking first is of the dark-side," he teases.

But she's not listening.

"A ship…" she whispers. Mind whirling.

"All we need is a ship, right?"

"And Intelligence. We need to know where the First Order is… and isn't."

"I know a place," Rey says halting her nervous pacing. His stare bores holes into her but she looks down at her hands. She whispers…

"We can get a ship and gather intel and I don't care if you kill him."

Ben quirks an eyebrow.  _Him?_

"Jakku," she says.

\---

It's risky, yes. The First Order left a presence behind on that back-water junk world after the events with the traitor and the map. Ben had wordlessly risen, walked to the cockpit, reset the coordinates ans returned to his reading. Rey sat down with him, anger abated by his concession.

Risky, But admittedly it's less risky than his plan. Even if the bulk of the Resistance is dead, its allies could be at work creating a new rabble. Lando was a desperate move, but he knew he could get the information he needed there. Not just about the First Order.

He's certain there's no way his mother had survived but… he didn't feel her exit the Force the way he felt his father's presence rip from his soul. There could be a chance…

He shakes his head. The dead child within him was still holding out for something that wasn't real. He banishes the thoughts entirely, not liking where they're leading. He shuts down memories of last night's dream, of all his feelings, locking them away in a compartment in his mind. Sentiment was not going to keep them alive.

He resumes his reading. It's been hours, but they are still a standard day from their destination.

Rey has a small, boxy black droid at her side scanning the pages and helping her translate. Its contents are simultaneously saved into its data banks.

Ben doesn't need a droid to help him read. She had called him a show off.

_Jakku._

More than intelligence and a ship interests him there.

It's the world where she was abandoned and suffered. Curious. He's curious and more than eager to meet the acquaintance of anyone who caused her pain…and maybe it was time to help her remember. But what would it do to her shining light he's come to…

He grows irritated as his thoughts wander again. These turgid texts are dull as space dust, but underneath the overly flowery ancient vernacular are tidbits of things he never could have imagined. Histories he was never told, philosophies that would be blasphemous to the Jedi Order that would come.

Interesting. It's interesting, but so unbearably dull!

Ben raps at his temples as they read, earning an annoyed glance from Rey, when with a sudden frustrated grunt he tears away, only to return several minutes later with bundles of something in his arms.

Rolls of thick paper spill onto the table between them. Some are blank, some are filled with writing scribbled in ink. Several long writing implements are strewn about.

Was he… writing? Did anyone do that anymore?

Rey sits across from him at the long black strategy table and fingers one of the rolls of paper.

"Is this…"

"Parchment," he says. "Calligraphy. It helps me think. Organize what I've found interesting."

 _Calms me down,_ he thinks, and she hears it.

Rey closes her books and stares at him with eager curiosity.

Ben begins writing but then feels her stare upon him. He looks up, then back down at his work, then back up again. She's still staring.

He fixes her with a look at says, what?

"Can I try," she blurts out a little embarrassed, "I've never written before…"

He gestures to one of the other quills before her and she snatches it up. She watches as he adjusts it in his hands and she tries to emulate it as well as she can, her fingers clumsy. She's never held a writing implement before. He dips his quill in ink and she follows suit.

She leaves dark blots on the paper, moving her hand shakily she attempts to write her name. Ben looks up and has to stop himself from laughing. She looks like a child, with her tongue sticking out in concentration and ink smudges already across her nose.

Rey hears him mask a noise and looks up quickly in time to see him look down and away, as if he wasn't laughing at her. She can feel his amusement.

She scrunches her face and gets to work on something new. Ben is just regaining his focus when he hears a tittering sound. Like crystal, like sunshine. Rey is giggling, then belly laughing.

He looks up at her confused.

She pulls up the paper and shows Ben a roughly drawn face with angry eyebrows and sharp teeth. Rey is losing her composure, barely able to breathe through her laughter.

"It's you… it's, oh force, It's you!"

_Has she lost her mind?_

She laughs so hard it hurts, her face, her belly, she's in agony, all her tension and nervousness and the ludicrousness of it all, it just comes pouring out of her. Tears fill her eyes. What is this unreality she's living in? If anyone else showed such a thing to Kylo Ren's face and laughed, she imagines they'd be dead before they knew what hit them. But here she is, laughing at his face, which is currently frowning, much like her bad picture…. And she loses it some more!

Finally, gasping for air and clutching her belly and wiping her tears Rey comes back down. She notices his face is stern and a little concerned.

"Lighten up," she says.

Ben quirks his head and after a moment he points to himself.

"Dark side," he says simply.

There's a pause and… she's laughing hysterically again.

He's playing with her!

Oh God wasn't that just the crux of it all! She wanted him to lighten up, in the force, and he wanted to stay stubbornly in the dark, a frown on his face. What bitter comedy this is!

Rey catches her breath. She doesn't think she's laughed so hard in her ENTIRE life, even when surrounded by Finn and her Resistance friends. Even after her laughter dies, a warmth remains behind in her chest against her will.

"You really are funny."

"I know," he says, his eyes on the page and a smirk on his lips. Hux never appreciated his humor. Ben supposes it's because his wit was usually at the General's expense. Oh well. He savors the sound of her laughter, feels it worming its way into his cold dead heart.

Rey beams a radiant smile, then reels herself in. Reality is reinvading her mind. She shouldn't be having this much fun with him. The fate of the galaxy literally rests on their shoulders, her friends' lives… if they could see her now. Guilt invades her mind, grounding her.

She strokes the cover of her text, and notices he's begun to write something down.

"Something interesting? This one is just painstaking detail about some war five thousand years ago."

"Yes," he says deeply, "The Jedi are a lie. Half of a whole, long forgotten."

Ben launches into something akin to a lecture, talking about the Je'daii. A society of Force Users from tens of thousands of years ago, that worshipped the balance between all aspects of the Force. He talks about their planet and the two moons, one light, one dark, and how anyone who strayed too far down one path was exiled to the opposite moon to meditate until they rebalanced themselves. There were millennia of peace.

He talks about the Kyber powered laser sword being introduced via an alien who crash landed there and how it led to a split in society. Friends, families and lovers took sides opposing each other, killed each other. He talks about the Jedi claiming the light and the Sith taking the dark and how the split in the Force has never been healed since then.

Rey has never been formally educated before, but she imagines this is what it's like to have a,  _what do you call it,_ professor?

"Here, is the Je'daii code," he says, then reads a beautiful poem.

" _There is no ignorance; there is knowledge._  
There is no fear; there is power.  
I am the heart of the Force.  
I am the revealing fire of light.  
I am the mystery of darkness  
In balance with chaos and harmony,  
Immortal in the Force."

"Then there is hope for us…" Rey whispers, "It's been wrong this whole time. We can fix it!'

He looks doubtful.

"It's what the ghost said, it's what Luke said."

"I don't care about them."

"Then what do you care about?" She says sharply.

He doesn't answer but the word is on the tip of his tongue.  _You._ It scares him, so he pulls back emotionally.

Instead, he says, "Killing Snoke. Avenging myself. Setting the Galaxy right."

He catches her eye again.

"We could use this to rule smarter, better, more completely."

"We could use this to set the Galaxy free," she counters.

They don't talk again for hours.

Rey can barely keep her eyes open. The pair quietly ate dinner as they continued to study in silence.

They are just a few hours away from their destination.

"Sleep," he says.

She startles, her drooping face falling from her hand.

"You'll need sleep before we arrive."

"You will too."

"I don't sleep."

The previous night would suggest otherwise.

"if you go, I'll go. If you stay, I'll stay."

He slams his hands on the table top. "Have you always been this infuriating?"

"Yes," she growls.

He stands quickly and leaves, mumbling curses under his breath.

Rey sighs and returns to her bed, plopping down for a few hours rest.

_Jakku._

When she first left, she desperately felt she needed to return. But now, after acknowledging the truth, could she handle it? Were they truly dead? It felt true. How can she face it? What would she find there? Only a few weeks had passed but it feels like a lifetime. It  _IS_  another lifetime, another Rey.

She wishes for quiet and reaches out for his mind.

Again, a weight appears at her back. Again, relief covers them like a warm heavy blanket. Again, neither of them moves, neither willing to admit their weakness and need for the other. They fall quickly into a deep, dreamless sleep until a law alarm wakes them both.

They've arrived at Jakku.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next stop Jakku!


	11. Chapter 11

Rey wakes. Alone again.

She doesn’t know how to feel, so she chooses to feel nothing.

Numb. Numb is good.

She opts for a white tank top over her breast band. She rips the bottoms off her blue officer pants at the knees. They’ll need to look the part before they make their way into town.

Ben is waiting for her in the cockpit sitting at the captain’s chair looking at the small beige planet in the distance. He eyes her as she walks in and peers over the control panel and out the viewport, studies her, and notes her lack of emotion. _Interesting._ He also notes her freckled sun kissed shoulders, her bare arms, her hair in a single half bun falls down the back of her slender neck. Her top is form fitting. She is taut, strong but soft, fierce but vulnerable...

“Does this thing have a cloaking device,” she asks without looking at him. “Can we get to the surface unnoticed?”

He huffs in indignation. Of course, any ship of his would have the best and latest tech. He flips some switches and looks back at her.

“I’m flying,” Rey says, and he stands wordlessly allowing her to slip into the seat.

A light brown world grows before them. As they approach, a First Order light cruiser appears, rounding the planet.

Rey alters their approach, pulling them towards the opposite side of the world. Their cloaking mechanism appears to be working. Down they descend, rattling through the atmosphere and breaking away. They fly over the Great Dune Sea, Kelvin Ridge, the Goazon Badlands. Everything is familiar but somehow alien. She just operates. There is no feeling.

She slows, and Ben observes their surroundings.

It’s nothingness as far as the eye can see. They're blowing through the sand, flying low and fast, the sun nearly blinding in its blaze ahead of them.

Then there's a glint in the distance. Rey begins a landing sequence and sand blows around them, blinding the viewport. When their view clears, they see the ancient disabled walker half buried in the sand. Ben’s seen it in her mind. Her makeshift home.

Wordlessly the pair rises. They gather everything they can’t leave behind. In two large packs they take the texts, clothes, food rations (far more savory than resistance rations), the shattered bits of Luke’s lightsaber and her staff.

She figures there should be rags enough for the both of them to dress the part, in her old home.

Rey moves to the ramp and Ben stands beside her in his full black garb.

“You need to take that off,” she says as the ramp descends, a blazing dry heat sweeps over them. The sun is unrelenting.

He does nothing.

“Fine. Melt,” she says adjusting her bag. “I won’t carry you to Niima Outpost.”

She walks on and he simply stares in his infuriatingly contemplative, emotionless way. A moment later he peels off his surcoat and sleeves, until he too is wearing just a black tank top, his high-waisted pants and suspenders. He also carries a large black pack slung diagonally across his shoulders.

He follows behind Rey, trudging a distance away through the shifting sands. It's an uncomfortable way to walk.

He looks up and pushes his dark locks back away from his face. The last time he was here, he had ordered the execution of an entire village. Now he was back with the girl who helped the traitor escape with the plans to Luke Skywalker. It feels like a lifetime ago, but it’s only been a few weeks.

He was so sure of himself then; in his rightness, in his place at Snoke’s side. This girl had turned his life upside down from the moment he heard the word "girl." And now he’s walking into the heart of her life in this force forsaken backwater dumpster fire of a planet.

He follows behind her, ever watchful.

 _In and out._ That’s what she tells herself.

She might have spent her entire life here waiting… she would have. But the Force had different plans for her. They had a mission. In and out, she tells herself again.

She feels his eyes on her and she doesn’t care.

Numb. Numb is good.

They enter the walker.

Ben has to duck, unable to stand at his full height in the cramped odd space.

It smells like her. Earthy, airy, not as musty as he’d expect. He sees the makeshift computer where she taught herself to fly on simulators. The rebel doll she made out of scraps. A wilting flower. He thinks it's no wonder she idolizes the rebellion, it was a spark of hope in her bleak meaningless world.

She couldn’t know the truth, what hypocrites and liars and killers they really were.

He thinks about how he wanted for nothing growing up, despite his neglect, and how she made due with nothing and is still equally powerful as he, if not untrained. He should probably feel guilty but he just feels a growing admiration.

Suddenly she’s walking up to him.

“Kneel.”

He’s too talk for her to reach up and dress him.

She comes at him with rags and he balks.

“What is this?” curling his lip in disgust.

“What does it look like? You need to blend in. Or would you rather be shot on sight? The Galaxy is looking for Kylo Ren.”

“The Galaxy is looking for Rey of Jakku,” he shoots back.

She just sighs and fixes him with a pointed look. Ben sits on some bent metal and she dresses him, wrapping his head and shoulders and arms. Then she kneels down and rips his pants.

His startles, stunned. He looks down at her kneeling before him, ripping at his pants, fingers grazing his calves and a filthy thought enters his mind. He squashes it a moment later, admonishing himself for getting taken by her. He keeps his face even but Rey notices the slight change. Of course she does. She gives him a questioning look but he stands quickly, now mostly concealed beneath ratty rags.

She dons her outer layers of sandy bits of weathered fabric. A headpiece and a mask. Her mask… so she had one too. He thinks he would have killed her without a second thought if he had seen her like that. Just another faceless, nameless desert creature... A creature in a mask like him.

She turns and prepares to leave.

That’s when he looks up, and is taken aback again.

He sees etches upon etches, thousands and thousands of them, painstakingly made. She stops before leaving, grabs a sharp tool and etches one last one. They represent every day that she was here waiting for a fantasy, trying to survive, a child alone and clawing for purchase on the world. Despite himself he’s moved. And then he’s enraged. He marches up to where she is, snatches the metal from her hand. He uses it to cross her last etch, making it into an ‘X’.

“That's the last one,” he snaps in a snarl.

She blinks up at him, her face hidden by the mask. She nods, her grateful tears unseen. She turns back out into the desert.

He lets her walk ahead.

He ducks his head, stomping out of that hell hole, when he looks down and sees a helmet in the sand. It’s says Ræh in Aurebesh. He stops and picks it up, brushing away the sand. It's an old rebellion helmet. It must have belonged to whoever died here fighting the empire's forces. Many battles had been fought on this force forsaken ball of dust. But what are the odds she'd find one with her name on it, unless... could it be? Could it be that Rey’s name is not Rey at all?

Could it be that she gave herself the name after finding this here? Had she blocked out her trauma so profoundly that she couldn't even remember her own name? His fists clench on the artifact as tears threaten his eyes. Her pain is considerable and the more he learns, the more it’s like they’re the same person. Like mirrors. The same but opposite.

_Rey._

He drops the helmet and follows her.

Then she stops. He halts beside her.

_‘Let the past die.’_

She remembers the words he spoke to her through their force bond on Ach-To. No more etches. He was angry on her behalf, and something about the act had snapped her out of her numbness. Tears run dirty tracks down her covered face.

The force courses between them.

Rey turns and whips her head coverings aside. Her hair blows wild and free, her face snarled in pain and rage. It _will_ be the end. Never again. This part of her life is over. Dead. That little deluded girl will never be weak again, never trapped, never powerless!

Rey flings her hand out with a grunt and with the force slowly lifts the creaking, cracking walker from the depths of the sand. She screams her pain into the force and the ancient war machine that was her home implodes with a deafening crunch. It falls sending a shock wave over the sand.

Rey leans panting on Ben's shoulder, looking past him. A large hand supports her back.

What sweet catharsis this is. Freedom, strength, power. They are indeed seductive. But she is not alone now. This place not only taught her pain, it taught her justice and empathy for the good. It taught her compassion for those not strong enough to defend themselves. Those people were counting on her now.

She picks up her goggles and head coverings, replacing them slowly. Then she walks on without a word towards Niima Outpost.

\---

Rey admits to herself. It feels good to have Ben walking by her side.

After a while she speaks again. 

“Unkar Plutt runs the outpost,” she says.

 _The creature from the vision_ , he thinks.

“He’ll have the information we’re looking for, and an entire yard full of ships we can choose from.”

“You were sold to him.” It’s a statement not a question.

She doesn’t respond.

As they get closer, tents fan out around them. The sun is setting offering them some much needed cover.

They duck behind a silver silo.

“He’s very sharp. Has his little spies everywhere. I wouldn’t doubt he already knows…”

There’s a ruckus and suddenly a pair of sand beings are running at them.

“…that we’re here!”

They roll away and dodge and Ben reaches for his saber.

“NO! Don’t make a scene,” she screams.

Bag flung down she kicks the first man away, then swings her staff around. She proceeds to beat them both senseless with the business ends of her staff.

Ben watches. She’s strong without the force too. She had to be didn't she? When he met her she was only just discovering her power. Snoke sensed it and so had he. There was an awakening in the Force. Now here she was in front of him, feral and violent and beautiful.

Two more ratty assailants come running for her back.

Ben sighs. He hates getting his hands dirty.

There's a blur and he grabs them by the backs of their necks. Lifting the men off the ground, Ben flings them into a pair of metal tent poles, which makes the tents begin to collapse. One tent pulls down another.

When he turns around Rey's attackers are all unconscious on the ground, but now they're gaining much more attention from the angry scavenger inhabitants.

“There’s nothing subtle about you is there?” She pants.

“Would you prefer I cut them in half?” He growls, stomping his foot out and gesturing to the unconscious men behind him. The move is not quite as menacing with him dressed that way, and with half his face covered in rags.

“Just run,” she says. And they do.

They run through tent after tent, knocking over people and tables. Finally they approach the center of Niima Outpost. Rey grabs Ben by his shirt and flings him around down behind some metal sheeting. 

“I hate running,” he grumbles, wiping his brow and catching his breath.

“Sorry to make you sweat your highness,” she says with a smirk.

“I… you…”

He instantly has flashbacks of his father calling his mother ‘your worship’ and ‘princess.’ How had he become the princess in this scenario???

"That's Plutt's place there," she interrupts his indignation. As if on cue a blubbery bulbous alien bursts from a side entrance in a full rage.

"Looks like he's trying to make his escape."

"He's not going anywhere," Ben says, lifting himself up and throwing out his hand. Plutt goes flying back into his shack with tremendous force.

They run in after the flying blob and shut the door.

Plutts roar and curses, holding his head where he hit a back wall.

"Find the data," she tells Ben. Then she approaches her former owner.

Plutt looks up with his beady, watery eyes.

“So, it is you girl. I was hoping you’d be dead by now. You owe me a ship,” he blathers.

“Shut it, Plutt. Where’s the data port? I know you hid it somewhere.”

“Like I’d give anything to an ungrateful urchin like you. After all I did to keep you alive. Now you come back with… Who is this? Your bottom feeder lover?”

Ben pauses in his search, rising to his full height towering above the prone Plutt. Ben removes the fabric covering his lower face and throws off the ratty head piece.

Plutt narrows his eyes, then widens them in shock.

“It’s, it’s you! That dangerous Ren!”

“Pleasure…”

And Ben breaks into his mind. He sees him coldly fling a tiny Rey down after the shuttle carrying her parents explodes and crasheds leaving her in shock and terror. He sees Plutt starve Rey on purpose, but keep her alive because she could fit into tiny places other scavengers couldn’t reach.

Flying through his nasty mind, he arrives closer to the present. The First Order had been here too. Before Ben and Rey arrived. They offered a large reward for the girl and Kylo Ren. So, they’d quietly put out a hit on him already… and now…

“He’s alerted the First Order to our presence,” Ben says, eyes closed in concentration. "The data port is there," he says pointing and Rey digs through debris to retrieve it. It should contain the latest data he keeps on communications, movements of Star Ships and access codes for departures.

Then using a dark-side technique, Ben locks Plutt in a mental box with his greatest fears. Plutt Is reduced to a blubbering, screaming mess on the ground.

“Let’s go,” he says, jumping up.

Rey pauses. She looks down at the pitiful Plutt, emotions warring in her chest.

“We don’t have a lot of time,” Ben says at her shoulder.

She grabs an access card.

“This way.”

Rey takes them through a door that leads to a back garage. She pulls a sheet off of a sleek black motorbike.

“Get on!”

She turns it on and revs the engine. It's Ben's turn to hesitate, but a moment later he flings himself on behind her as she rings the accelerator. Holding tight onto her hips, head on her shoulder, they take off like a shot into the hot night. Rey lets go a whoop of joy and he’s never felt more alive!

A tell-tale screeching wail comes over head, a plume of sand is kicked up before them as Tie fighters fly overhead and past them, back towards the heart of Niima outpost.

“Faster,” he shouts!

She obliges and feels his smile behind her ear on her neck. Thoughts of that smile spur her on. They tear into the ship yard and Rey comes to a halt before the most luxurious private ship she’s ever seen. It's a J-type Nubian Yacht! Sleek and long and reflective silver. Before she can jump off, Ben wraps a big warm arm completely around her and lifts her off the bike against his chest. She squeaks and as he sets her down she spins around in his arms. She looks up at him and they're both panting and coursing with adrenaline.

“Bring the bike,” he says husky and low. 

She smiles a smile so wide her face hurts.

It was a heck of an awesome bike.

They jump apart at the sound of more approaching Tie fighters.

Together they push the bike aboard then run for the cockpit. Everything around them is the height of sophisticated luxury.

They begin to take off and are almost instantly hailed by the First Order. 

"Nubian vessel N-CKY. We are not allowing departures at this time. State your authorization or we will open fire."

Ben inserts the data port into a reader on the star computer, then flicks open the coms.

"Transmitting authorization codes. We are on an urgent medical mission for First Order Alpha company. Command Alpha-732 Beta-com 5732 Black"

There's a pause over the line and then.

"Authorization granted. You'll receive an escort until you are off-system."

"Confirmed."

Rey looks over at him in awe and he meets her gaze as they make their way to freedom. It's a charged look that heats Rey up her in strange places. Destroying Plutt, the walker, the motorcycle ride, the wind in her hair, his lips on her neck, it's all too incredible.

"Where do we go now?" she says breathily.

He tears his eyes away, digging his fingers into his thighs and getting a handle on his emotions. He’s not used to having desire for anything except power. For anything but to match his grandfather’s greatness. He’ll do that and more.

His eyes flick up to meet hers again.

“I have an idea.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love comments. Comments are my food. Please feed me so I can write another day. <3 <3


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some sweet madness

“I have an idea.”

Rey looks at Ben expectantly.

 “Thyon. The ancient Je’daii planet we’re reading about.  It was abandoned generations ago after endless wars left the surface unlivable. We explore the ruins, find relics, wisdom. There should certainly be kyber crystals left in the wreckage there. We’ll need every weapon we can muster to bolster our power against Snoke and that means knowledge too,” he pauses in his soft explanation and Rey is hanging on his every word. She’s leaning closer and he gulps. His deep didactic voice is melodic.

“The problem is, it’s in the heart of the galactic core. The First Order is pushing into the core now. We’ll have control of those worlds in a matter of weeks. We don’t want to get caught up in a skirmish or worse, get captured. We need to be as  _subtle_ as possible.”

She gives him a sarcastic look which he meets with his bored one.

“…which I am capable of.”

“Thanks to me.”

“Tell yourself that,” he says tearing his eyes away and returning to the instrument panel. He begins scanning through the data port and entering their destination coordinates. Tie fighters escort them far enough away from the planet so they can make a jump.

Ben pushes a lever activating the hyperdrive and they’re sailing through the stars once more.

Rey is thoughtful a moment and then she asks, “What did you do to Plutt?”

He pauses.

“It’s a technique,” he says not meeting her eye.

“A dark side technique?”

He nods slightly.

“He’ll relive his greatest fears and… experience the terror he caused others… for the rest of his life. Which shouldn’t be long. He’ll kill himself soon.”

There’s silence. _Why didn’t he just kill him?_ She wonders. Then Rey realizes, _He did that for me?_

The quiet is charged. The electricity between them is still palpable, but both are doing an admirable job of trying to ignore their feelings, and now trying to avoid eye contact. Rey feels nervous. She remembers him on Jakku with her, the final etch he aggressively made in the walker, his shoulder of support as she destroyed the past, the thrill at how he handled Plutt, the feel of his body on her back, big hands on her hips and lips on her neck on the motorbike ride. The knowledge that he wants her…

She’s feeling hot and needs to leave. Rey stands.

“I’m going to, uh… yeah,” she says awkwardly before setting out to explore the ship, instantly breathing a sigh of relief the moment she walks away. The tension is almost unbearable.

She soon finds the distraction she needs.

Never has Rey seen such luxury, how could she have? But there are things here she could have never imagined existed.  

There are sitting rooms and dining rooms, game rooms and holo-entertainment rooms. Everything is sleek and new and stylish. At the end of the main hall she finds a massive sleeping suite. It’s stunning. A sprawling four-poster bed is draped with white, red and gold linens. The room is surrounded by cozy seating, and the walls are decorated with paintings and sculptures. There’s a beauty suite with a beauty droid (something she’s heard about from female travelers.) There’s a fully stocked bar as well. She looks at a bottle. _Corellian whiskey, huh._ One wall panel slides open to reveal opulent clothing inside.

Further along the wall a door leads to a master fresher room. Rey’s mouth drops open. A heated square tub that could fit 10 people is the center piece of the room. An entire back wall is glass enclosed, with rain showers and hot stones and dispensers with sweet smelling soaps!

Her clothes drop as quickly as her jaw had. She could use a bath.

…  

Rey doesn’t know how long she’s in there, but it’s the closest to heaven she’s ever felt. She’s filled the hot tub with sweet smelling pink and purple suds. The sandy crust of Jakku washes off forever. She sighs deeply, laying back, laying her head on a cushioned edge, thinking of nothing but the sound of popping bubbles and the feel of her warm submerged body.

She almost doesn’t hear when the door slides open.

The sound takes a full 30 seconds to register in her mind. Then she slowly opens an eye and sees him standing there in his tank top and ripped pants just staring. She does a quick intake of breath and chokes on some bubbles. Sputtering she looks down frantically to make sure her body is obscured from view.

“Kyl—Ben! What…”

“You looked so peaceful. I didn’t want to disturb you,” he says low and even.

“Get out!”

“There’s only one facility on board. Seems to be enough room for two,” he says seemingly undisturbed. He pushes off the doorframe and marches briskly past Rey in the tub and towards the glass enclosed rain shower.

Rey sputters half retorts but no full arguments exit her mouth. What is happening here?

Then he lowers his suspenders and pulls off his shirt and Rey goes red from head to toe. Flexing, rippling back muscles are all she sees, marred by scars and sweat and dirt. Ben reaches for the fastenings of his pants and looks over his shoulder, catching her stare.

They make the briefest of eye contact -- his dark and hungry, hers wide and surprised.

And he drops the torn slacks. Rey gasps and quickly turns her head.

She waits for the sound of the opening and closing glass door before she leaps out of the water, snatches a towel and flees the bathing suite. She catches her breath outside the door. Water runs down her legs, over her feet on the cold mirror finish floors. What has gotten into him? What’s gotten into her? He caught her staring! Damn it!

She mutters curses to herself as she pillages the closets. Everything is silk and satin and delicate. Nothing practical. She growls. Finally, she finds something like silken off-white slacks and a matching v-neck sleeveless shirt with lovely pink embroidery. She grabs a plush pink robe she absolutely can’t say no to. Soft! She’s never worn anything so soft! The excitement over the robe helps relieve her embarrassment.

Rey doesn’t want to be here when he exits the wash room.  

\---

His head hits the wall the moment she flees the room.

He hadn’t meant to be so forward, hadn’t meant to be caught staring at her soaking blissfully in the bubbles. But when the door slid open during his own exploration of the ship, he couldn’t tear his eyes away. It was so contrary to all the ways he’s seen her before. He mentally catalogues all of her different kinds of faces and thinks they’re all fucking stunning.

A part of his anatomy makes itself known.

He’s not used to lusting. Let alone after an enemy. Well, former enemy. Quasi-enemy? That is still to be determined. He knew that he wanted to possess her, but now it’s clear, he wants her in this way as well. Every which way he can have her. But…

He wants to keep them focused on the goal: Kill Snoke, gain control of the First Order, remake the galaxy in his image… Problem is, his focus vanishes like a kriffing Hutt in a gold mine whenever she gets too close.

He growls remembering her holding his weapon in defense of him on Mustafar, Rey wet and crying at the fire side in their Force connection, her kicking ass on Jakku like the beautiful feral thing she is, and her little sounds of contentment in the first soaking bath of her life…

His member twinges and he hits his head on the wall again. He can take care of this on his own here and be content, but the more he does this to himself, he fears, the more frequently the urge will come. Such thoughts were chased from his mind long ago… but the voice isn’t there anymore to make him feel dirty and undisciplined.

He takes himself and strokes himself and groans into the sound of the falling water. He pictures her fiery hazel eyes looking up at him from between his knees…

\---

Rey searches the ship, but there’s only one sleeping room -- that huge one with the bathing chamber she just fled. There’re all service droids here, apparently no need for quarters for living crew members.

So, Rey makes her way to the observation room instead. It’s a large oval room with comfy gray suede-like cushion couches hugging the walls all the way around. In the center of the room is a square table, with a hidden control panel. Attached to the table on each side is a puffy, warm comforter (space kotatsu table) and the floor is all thick cozy carpet. Rey squishes the carpet under her toes and giggles at the new sensation. Above her is a translucent view of the stars through the ship’s hull. It gives the room a soft blue light. This will certainly do.

Rey sits at the table and slides open the panel. A few buttons and a few minutes later a meal rises out through the center. If possible, it’s even better than the food on Ben’s First Order shuttle.

She’s never felt this cozy or been surrounded by this much softness. Rey curls up under the blanket in her robes, rolling around and relishing the sensation. She looks up at the stars then closes her eyes. Free. She’s free from her past forever.

As sleep claims her, he finds her.

Slowly he approaches. _So, this is where she ran off to?_

The man who called himself Kylo Ren sits on the floor his back and head leaning against the foot of a couch as he watches. He’s wearing a black short sleeve v neck undershirt which hugs his chest and arms snuggly, and some silken black slacks.

He watches the gentle rise and fall of her chest with every soft, even breath. Watches the peacefulness of her features; There’s no anger, confusion, fear, or violence. Just sleep. She looks cozy wrapped in all these soft things like a nest and it causes a corner of his lip to twinge up in a half smile. He thinks this is what she deserves. It’s only a fraction of what he could give her if she stayed at his side. He’d give her every soft and beautiful thing in the galaxy, because the whole galaxy would be theirs.

_Ri’ia she’s so young. So soft._

Then his demeanor darkens.

He could kill her.  But she trusts him. And he no longer wants to. He never did want to hurt her in the first place, did he? He wanted her power, wanted her understanding. Well, he has her understanding, but she could still choose to stand against him.

If she did, if she chose to oppose him, if he was forced to kill her, he thinks he’d likely slay himself as well… or was there another choice? Could he choose to follow _her_ instead?

He shakes his head fiercely. _I’ve sacrificed too much to this path. I can’t let her make me weak. Weak and foolish like…_

Ren stands, determined not to let her worm her way into his heart any longer…

And then she speaks his name.

It’s a whimper.

“Ben,” she cries in her dream. All his black determination falters. That tiny word is like lightening in his heart and it hurts.

He decides to stay.

\---

She’s not sure what wakes her. Perhaps her fluffy layers have made her too hot. Or maybe it’s the sound of another person breathing nearby.

_Breathing?_

Her eyes fly open at the realization.

He’s here! He’s on the other side of the table, his long legs half covered by the opposite blanket as he lays seemingly asleep. Is this the force connecting them? Rey shirks the blanket and robe and crawls around the table towards him.

She stops a few inches from him and raises herself sitting on one leg over him.  

No. It’s not a force connection. He looks as solid as ever and she can still hear the gentle hum of the hyperdrive and that familiar tug in her chest is not active.

That means…

Rey gasps and puts her hands over her mouth and falls back on her bottom. _He’s here! With me! Why?_

That means he came and found her while she was sleeping.

That means instead of taking that giant suite for himself, he decided to stay.

And that means he didn’t bother her or touch her. He just… fell asleep?

Though they’ve been much closer in their force connections than this, something about this feels far more intense, far more important. They’ve slept beside each other in the force every sleep cycle since their rendezvous… but this… to seek her out in person….

 _Look at how beautiful he is_ , her brain says, and she doesn’t bother to admonish herself.

The man she fought, who killed his father and tried to kill her friends, who slew countless others in the service of a dark master… now free of that master, had sought out her comfort, is sleeping beside her like a child. She wouldn’t have thought his pride would allow it.

His arms are crossed as he lies on his side facing her, his long locks cascade over his face. Everything about him is wide and huge and coarse and strong. His expression is peaceful and Rey notes how handsome he is this way, without pain, anger, aggression or distrust in his features. He looks younger, more human. She realizes she’s never actually seen his sleeping face, only ever felt him at her back.

How is this possible? How have they come this far?

The feelings are too big.

She reaches out a shaking hand towards his luscious hair, remembering its softness on Ach-To. She brushes some back and looks down upon the scar she gave him. Without thinking she touches it gently again.

His eyes fly open.

A big hand snatches her wrist and Rey feels herself falling back. She hits the ground with an oof and when she looks up Ben has her pinned, straddling her hips, his face hovering just over her with wide eyes. His surprise gives way to confusion.

“Rey?”

And from surprise, his face betrays something deeper, an ocean of emotion behind his piercing eyes as he understands what’s happening.

Rey can’t breathe, and it’s not because of the weight of him on top of her. The intensity of his gaze it too much, the reverence of that look, the softness in his light brown eyes. It’s too raw, too new, too different, too real. Rey panics and does the only think she can think of to break the moment.

She lifts her head and kisses him.

His lips are soft and plush, there’s stubble on his top lip and chin and he smells like the forest. She feels him tense at the pressure of her mouth.

Ben is nearly shocked out of his skin! He does a quick intake of breath and reels back.

He looks down at her wide eyed and Rey panics again, doing the second-best thing she can think of to break the moment. She lifts her knee and kicks him in the balls.

Ben rolls off her in agony and Rey flees down the spiral staircase.

Ben, in the fetal position, huffs through some painful breaths, hands cupping his bruised testicles as he tries to figure out what the fuck just happened.

\---

_What did I do? What did I do?_

Rey runs to the suite in a frenzy carrying her pack and looking for half decent fighting clothes.

 _He’s going to kill me. I’ll just run away, hide on an asteroid somewhere, change my name, live out my days in the outer rim, I can do this…_ She thinks deliriously.

Rey flings off her soft things until she’s just in a strapped white breast band she found (a fabric bra) and her white undershorts. She digs through the closets looking desperately for anything practical to wear when the door hisses open behind her.

“Do you always molest men in their sleep… then assault them?”

Rey freezes at the sound of his voice, low and dangerously calm. She slowly rises and turns to face him.

“What are you doing Rey?” He asks as he approaches like a predator. Her state of undress is an added bonus. Rey backs away until her back hits the wall. He looks around at her half-filled pack and the fancy dresses tossed all around the room. He places a hand on the wall next to her head, balancing on a muscular arm as he leans over her in the dim light.

“Stop running away,” he rumbles.

She fixes him with an impetuous glare.

“I’m not running away.”

“What are you so afraid of?” The murmur of his deep voice is so soft, it’s alarming.

“Afraid?”

“You’re shaking,” he says as his opposite hand comes up to her shoulder. He caresses the scar the Sith gave her with his thumb and Rey shutters.

“You’re delusional,” she says with far less conviction than she is trying to muster.

He leans forward and whispers in her ear.

“I know what you want.”

“You don’t,” she says breathily, trying to keep her wits about her but failing spectacularly with the warmth of him all around her and those lips at her ear.

“I do. Because I want it too.”

Her heart practically stops. Her breathing too. The temperature between them rises.

“Stop running.”

He leans back locking eyes with her again. His hair is shaggy, stubble on his face, beauty marks stark in the dark, eyes deep and soulful and starving.

“I only like nice men,” she hears herself say.

He chuckles darkly closing the distance between them.

“No. You don’t.”

And he captures her lips. His are warm and full and firm. She feels them moving over hers and her mind blanks except for the feel of him. Soon she's moving her lips back against his and the sensation is soft fire. It consumes her body. Her hands fly up to his hair and his impossibly large arms encircle her, one hand rubs up and down her bare back, the other grasps the back of her neck.

He hums a gravely hum that pools directly in her nethers in a way she’s never felt before. She opens her mouth for breath and his lips come crashing back down on her. A soft moan escapes her and it causes a visceral reaction in Ben.  He presses his body hard against her, lifting her up, yearning for more contact. He slides a trunk like thigh between her legs and she lifts hers and…

“ARggh!” Ben recoils, his manhood still tender from her earlier assault. He steps back, dropping Rey down and her hands fly to her mouth as he doubles over.

“Oh Ben! Oh, it still hurts?”

In truth he had barely been able to walk through the ship after her, putting up an act as he cornered her. He almost forgot his pain until the brush of her leg brought back the stark reminder that he was still very much not ok.  

He grunts and hobbles to the bed and she supports him under his arm.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I panicked,” she rambles, depositing Ben on the bed as he immediately rolls into a ball.

Rey frets over the giant wounded man before her, when he reaches out and pulls her down with him.

Rey squeaks a scream before Ben has her wrapped up in his arms, pressed up against her back like a big spoon.

“Shut up and sleep,” he says with hot breath into her neck.

“Ben?” She whispers.

A big warm calloused hand rubs across her belly, a thumb grazes the bottoms of her thinly covered breasts. The friction between them is impossible, Rey rubs back against the wall of muscle behind her, there are warm kisses on her neck and then she arches her back, pushing her bottom back against him… And he flinches and groans in pain again.

“Oh!”

He growls and slaps the bed in frustration and Rey can’t help the laugh that escapes her lips.

She gasps and covers her mouth, looking over her shoulder she meets his murderous glare and it’s the funniest thing she’s ever seen.

Rey laughs again, not stopping herself this time, all the nervous, unbearable tension and the ludicrousness of her assault on him and his painful predicament come spilling out of her in a mirthful titter.

He rises on one arm and in indignation spits, “This is your fault!”

“You probably deserve it,” she says through her laughter.

He shakes his head and lets her laugh, the sound of it a beacon in his dark existence. He watches her writhe with mirth in just her underclothes under his sheets in his bed…

When Rey comes to her senses, she notices the look in his eye, the strain of the fabric of his black shirt over his chest, her lack of clothes in a bed with a person who was once her greatest enemy. Color rises in her cheeks and she moves to put some distance between them when he reaches out again, and this time more tightly confines her with the strong expanse of his arms to his chest.

“I said shut up and go to sleep.”

Her face is now on his chest in the crook of his shoulder. She breathes in his sweaty and earthy scent and swings an arm across his middle, embracing him. It’s the safest and most wanted she’s felt her entire life.

Their breathing slows, and soon they drift off to sleep together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are my food. Please feed me so I can write another day! ❤️


	13. Chapter 13

Hands move in the dark.

They slide across warm sleepy flesh. Noses nuzzle here and there, arms tighten then lax.

There’s sweet half-conscious kisses and sighs of contentment, of safety, of something deeper.

Sometime in the night Ben finds himself again in that all white place, endless in all directions. He’s calm, barely aware of where he is. He feels peace. Then there’s a voice.

“I forgive you,” he hears distantly echoing.

“Son…” it echoes closer.

Fear starts to rise in his throat as Ben becomes aware of his surroundings. He looks around wildly.  _It can’t be._

Then, as if right by his ear, “Hey there big guy.”

Ben wakes with a terrified start.

Rey jolts from her sleep as the warm weight of him jumps, then pulls out from under her.

He sits on the edge of the bed, head in his hands, trying to slow his racing heart. Tears prick the corners of his eyes.  _It couldn’t be… it couldn’t have been him…_

It takes a few moments for Rey to shake her groggy confusion. She clearly feels an acute distress, then realizes that it’s not her own.

“Ben?” she whispers.

She pulls some plush sheets around herself and scoots beside him on her knees. She places a delicate hand on his shoulder.

“What’s wrong?” 

The instant she touches him Ben is flooded with relief.

 _Han Solo is dead._ There’s nothing he can do to reverse that fact or change what he’s done; What he is because of it. He sacrificed everything and lost. Now he needs to move on, create his own path without the corruption of Snoke’s lies. He can’t think of the what ifs… because if he does... The staggering guilt of it takes his breath away and Rey feels him plummeting down a spiral of self-loathing and despair.

“Ben!” she says more forcefully. Rey takes his face in her hands and turns him to look at her.

“Stop. Whatever you’re thinking, stop it. Look at me.”

He doesn’t at first. 

“Look at me!”

He does and it’s almost like the color of his eyes swirl with his conflict. He finds strength in her fierce hazel ones. Gentle light flows from her fingertips seemingly to his heart. His blackness does not dissipate but instead surrounds itself with her. Borrowed peace for his unforgivable crimes.

He closes his eyes and when he opens them, he is himself again. And he wants more.

Ben lowers her hand from his face. With his fingers he traces up her arm above her coverings, then he pulls the blanket down from her shoulder.

He plants a kiss there and rests his head in the crook of her neck.

Rey freezes. Her heart hammers in her ears. This is still… very different. Memories of the night before come rushing back. His closeness sends ripples through her senses, the tickle of his hair sends shivers up her spine and she flushes. A small shaking hand reaches up and strokes his hair.

He hums his contentment at the work of her fingers. His body rumbles and she feels it, blushing more.

She lets out a shaky breath as his coarse fingers now run up and down her exposed arm, goosebumps break out over her body.

_What is this feeling?_

She’s seen him at his most fearsome and violent and at his most vulnerable and gentle. His power pulses just under the surface and Rey wants to taste it, wants to wield it under the ministrations of her little fingers. 

She wants to disappear in his arms, give into the pull she’s felt since that baffling first confrontation in the interrogation chamber, to melt into him.

The energy within him glows and something else grows. Another big hand rises, intent on removing the rest of the fabric that separates them, when…

BEEP BEEP BEEP.

They’re ripped abruptly from their intimate moment. Disoriented and clinging to each other, it takes a full ten seconds to recognize it.

‘Collision detected. Exiting hyperspace’ the robotic warning repeats.

Ben is running for the cockpit. Rey stumbles out of bed all wrapped up. She trips, rolls out of the blanket, and runs in her white fabric bra and white undershorts after him.

She just makes it to the cockpit when they’re thrust out of hyperspace and into a deafening roar of chaos.

They’re careening straight towards a space battle!

First Order Destroyers and Tie Fighters exchange fire with a fleet of blocky freighters and starships she doesn’t recognize. 

“BEN!”

He takes them into a tight, spiraling dive that sends Rey tumbling head over heals over his lap.

“You’re in the way!” He yells as she struggles to right herself. Her bottom lifts up towards his face and even in the heat of battle he blushes uncharacteristically.

Ben banks hard in the opposite direction which sends her flying towards the opposite side of the cockpit. 

Rey hits the panel, then scrambles to strap herself in.

“Maybe if you knew how to fly…” she starts but then they’re pulling up into a tight loop.

He shoots her a dirty look and says, “Couldn’t you put some clothes on?”

Doth her ears deceive her?

Mr. Shirtless force bond sessions? Mr. Drop my trousers in the fresher and stalk my enemy through the ship for a solid snogging, is distracted by her sitting in her underwear in the middle of a space battle? 

Rey smirks at him and winks.

 _Tch._ Oh, he’ll get her for this.

There’s no time for distractions now. He’s managed to navigate them away from the bulk of the main battle when a white planet emerges ahead on their displays.

“Empress Teta. We’re close!” Ben calls pointing. 

A harsh voice overtakes their comms.

“Nubian vessel N-CKY. This is not your logged destination. You have been classified a criminal vessel.”

They’re surrounded by Tie fighters!

“This has no weapons!” Rey cries.

“There!” He yells pointing at a discreet red button.

“PPP?” She reads.

“Just hit it!” 

Rey slams the button and sure enough a moment later a contingent of mercenaries pops out of hyperspace around them.

It’s bedlam. Streaks of laser fire fly by the viewport, their beautiful ship shutters as their shields are battered. But Ben is an excellent pilot. They break away from the scrum and he’s pulling up the jump computer.

“What was that?” Rey asks breathlessly.

“Personal Private Protection. The wealthiest beings have it,” he explains distractedly.

A moment later they pop away.

Pop. They make a short jump through hyperspace, then another.

Pop. Pop. Pop.

A series of short jumps sees them safely delivered to a small brown world with two moons. Thyon.

Rey is filled with excitement. She jumps up to gather their things and get dressed but a big rough hand snatches her wrist and pulls her back on top of the console.

His mouth is on hers before she can process it and then the rest of him too. He pulls her legs around his waist and wraps his arms around her, one supporting her back the other behind her head angling her mouth for better access. The buttons of the control panel bite into her behind. Rey’s eyebrows fly up along with her hands as her body works to catch up. 

He deepens the kiss and he’s ravenous. Their mouths clash, heat and hunger growing. Little sounds escape them, moans and grunts. Her hands reach for everything all at once, running over his chest and around his neck and into his hair.

Rey can feel what he wants in her bones, he’s aching for her. She knows what this is and what it could lead to. She might have given him all of herself back in the bed but now…

Mischief fills her.

She’s going to make him work for it. Rey savors his lips a few moments more as she runs her fingers down his chest to his side, where she gives him a hard pinch.

He gasps and jumps giving her just enough room to slide down from the console and slip under his arm.  He looks back at her wild, red faced and confused and she just flashes him a mischievous grin, disappearing into the ship.

Ben groans and his pants tighten at that smile. He spins back around as she leaves, bracing himself against the console with both hands, muscles flexing with repressed tension. _She’s going to kill me. She’s definitely going to kill me,_ he thinks.

Ben tries to regain control of himself. It wasn’t like him to take liberty like that, but she stirs something in him, a passion he’s never felt before. He retakes the controls, willing his body to calm. Minutes pass as he navigates them down through the atmosphere and down to the dusty surface. He sets them down in the middle of a great rocky expanse of nothingness, then retreats back into the ship.

He finds her looking through the closets in the bedroom. He knows by now, he’ll get nothing from her that she doesn’t give willingly. By the sounds she was making earlier… parts of her are more than willing. But he’s never been a beggar.

Ben stalks her like a patient predator, crossing his arms and leaning against the opposite wall as he observes her, enjoying the view of her on her knees, throwing pretty things out of the closet in frustration. Every part of her is strong, taut, lean but soft. He’ll make _her_ beg for him to touch her, he thinks.

Then something catches his eye. 

He stomps over, reaches in over her head and pulls out a silky dress. It is black, simple, airy, spaghetti strapped and knee length.

Rey stands and takes it from his hand.

_Hmmf._

It looks comfortable, won’t get in the way of her movements. She can layer over it. Rey quirks an eye at him and he stares back in his intense way.

Then she goes to the opposite closet and pulls out a selection.

Rey walks back and shoves it in his chest more roughly than she means to. She _needs_ to see him in it. At this point she’s teasing herself just as much as she’s teasing him and she doesn’t know how long she can resist the pull, but it’s fun to see him squirm.

She disappears in the fresher and reappears in the dress.

Ben’s mind goes blank.  

It’s small, black and reflective, clinging to her lean curves like a work of art. Her soft brown hair falls unrestrained around her neck and onto her shoulders. She looks young and uncertain despite the game she’s trying to play. One armscrosses over rubbing the opposite arm and covering her modest chest. She’s never worn a dress before. Then she looks up and again she can’t handle the look of reverence in his eyes.

Rey grabs a light brown leather jacket and swings it on. She pulls on her filthy boots and swings her staff around her back, the skirt of her black dress flitting around her thighs, the soft fabric accentuating the curve of her round behind. She may be slightly embarrassed, but that look he’s giving her makes her feel kind of powerful too.

Rey leaves him in the room holding the clothing she pressed in his arms. She wonders if he’ll wear it, but for now she needs to distance herself from her own boldness. 

They have a mission don’t they? Find a way to destroy Snoke. Rebuild her lightsaber. Save her friends…

She lowers the ramp and walks out onto the planet taking a deep breath as she looks out over the barren plains before her. It’s mild here and the air is perfectly breathable, clean, empty. There are ruins on the horizon. The planet’s fauna is just starting to take over, life returning after a long absence after the destruction here.

She tamps down the guilt in her throat as she thinks about her friends. She hasn’t forgotten them.  She knows they’ll never accept her when she loves kissing their enemy so much, but she vows she’ll still save them.

Rey rolls out the motorbike, prepping it for their journey.

Then he walks down the gleaming silver ship’s ramp.

He’s wearing the clothes.

A pure white shirt made of soft flowy fabric that blows in the wind, a few buttons are open exposing a peak of his impossibly broad chest and it’s tucked loosely into sleek grey slacks. 

It’s a stark contrast with his Jet black hair and accentuates his beauty marks and dark eyes that pierce her like arrows. He’s tall and muscular and just a vision of handsomeness.

He’s a prince. He looks like a kriffing prince. Her dream in the flesh. The most beautiful thing she’s ever seen and she can’t make heads or tails of it. The man who she met in his terrifying battle dress and mask who kidnapped her in the forest… and now, how? She can’t think.

He walks down and strolls up to her until she’s looking up into his long passive face. They stand before each other staring intently. 

He’s only just put them on, but Rey has an unshakable urge to take those clothes off again. He feels her reaction, her control of her thoughts slipping before him. He smirks, and she kicks herself realizing she’s given him the upper hand in their strange new game.

She pushes her pack and staff at him, trying to channel anger to cover her embarrassment.

“I’m driving,” she says before stalking back to the bike and swinging a leg over.  

Ben huffs in amusement and follows. He doesn’t hesitate to slide in behind her this time.

As he climbs on, a big hand slides over her belly and pulls her flush against him. She lets out a little gasp of surprise and flushes at the feel of him around her.

“Don’t distract the driver,” she says sharply over her shoulder. He growls and she barks a laugh, revving the engine and taking off like a shot.

The speed and wind are a thrill. Crumbled temples dot the horizon across barren plains on either side of them. Rey doesn’t know where they’re headed, but she lets the force guide her.

What was his goal here on this planet? Ben hardly knows or cares anymore. She has him at the end of a string. He’ll follow it wherever it leads. 

What is this reality? What is this life? His lovely enemy, turned ally, turned… something else. Powerful, strong, young and beautiful, exploring her budding sexuality with him on a path fraught with danger and destiny.

She’s trying to be bad but he’s wicked, he thinks.

He runs his hands up her legs, hand headed for forbidden territory under that soft silky dress that's riding up in the wind. She startles and elbows back at him. The bike wobbles.

“Cut it out, we’re going to crash.”

He smiles at her ear. Ben’s feeling ready to ravish her wherever they fall.

But something else invades his senses. 

He finally notices the sensation she’s following, something strong in the force. He begrudgingly lends his focus to it. His grip on her hips tightens. Their game will have to wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are my food. Please feed me! 
> 
> Things are about to get very cool! Stay tuned! I don't get a lot of time to write, but I'm determined to finish this story. Stick with me folks! <3


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter kicked my butt emotionally.  
> Please enjoy.

An hour drive delivers them in the direction of a steep mountain face that seems to jut straight out of the ground and up into the sky. The force leads them to a crumbling temple before it. The remnants of stone walls still stand precariously high before them, but it’s gutted and covered in new overgrowth. The monolithic entrance appears to lead into the cliff face, into the mountain itself.

 

Rey spins the bike to a stop, kicking up dust and rocks.

 

They both look at the structure before them and hesitate to move. This place is teeming with the force, both dark and light. The wind blows around them and Rey shields her eyes from the brightness of the sun.

 

They dismount and Ben hands Rey her staff.

 

She isn’t sure when their hands come together, but he leads her into a long cathedral-like room, with sunlight streaming in through the gutted roof and holes in the walls. It’s cool and calm and earthy here. Quiet, but the sound of life is amplified. The tiny mossy plants almost sigh with breath. The earth is empathetic to their steps, she feels urged onward by the planet itself.

 

The cathedral leads to a passageway that takes them deeper within. It’s dark now, they’ve entered the mountain side. Rey breaks a glow stick from within her pack and Ben lights his saber. It feels like the energy of the whole mountain crackles at its activation.

 

They peer around warily.

 

“What was that?” Rey asks shakily.

 

“I don’t know,” he answers, solemn and low. This is uncharted territory.

 

 _Stay with me,_ Ben says, his deep voice echoing in her mind and she represses a shiver. It’s soothing to have him there and empowering. Rey tightens her grip on Ben’s hand as they move forward.

 

Ghoulish red and green light wavers on the stone walls which are becoming damp. Creepy crawlies scurry away from their approach and more than once Rey gasps and shucks a creature from her shoulder.

Ben plucks one from her hair and looms over her in his white shirt, red with the glow of his saber. She remembers the first time he held it up to her face. That terrifying encounter when he’d ensnared her with invisible chains and carried her off. Different invisible chains bound her to him now. Ones of her heart’s making.

 

An uneasy feeling settles in Rey’s chest as she looks away from the questioning look in his eyes and they move on.

 

The tunnel becomes more ragged and dives down steeply. Dripping water can be heard around them. Then it’s like they’re climbing up again. At the end of their winding tunnel they come to a chamber, with two tunnels leading in opposite directions.

 

Rey walks forward but her arm catches. She looks back and sees that Ben is being drawn towards the opposite path.

 

They look up from their joined hands at each other.

 

“I don’t like it,” she says.

 

“Something old and powerful slumbers here,” he says thoughtfully, surveying their surroundings. The walls are roughly hewn, but they don’t feel like they were made by man alone.

 

“Should we turn back?”

 

“Let me inspect the paths,” Ben says, and he moves to walk away from her with the intention of feeling out each direction with the force.

 

But the moment their hands separate it all goes dark. Then they’re alone.

 

“Ben!” Rey screams, “Ben?!”

 

She spins and spins but she is utterly alone and in the same place.

 

Rey pants and her heart races, then she closes her eyes and reaches out for him. He’s still here, somewhere, but now feels distant from her. Like there’s a thick, obscure wall gently separating them. It feels soft but as she pushes the perception of her mind into it, it becomes hard and impenetrable. What is this? At least he’s not dead, but this is a dangerous scenario.

 

An urgent and light feeling draws her to the left. There’s curiosity and a distant feel of earnestness there as well. Rey squints her eyes staring down the path before her, then she reaches out with the force again. The destination is again obscured by a power, but it doesn’t feel malicious.

 

She turns and receives another shock. The path they entered through has disappeared as well. Is it an illusion?

 

Rey tries to center herself to quell her panic. There’s nothing she can do but move forward and pray that she can reach Ben if she needs to.

 

\----

 

“Rey!” He screams, “Damn it, REY!!” Ben spins and yells but she’s nowhere to be seen.

 

He also appears to be in exactly the same place, just suddenly alone. Ben too reaches out through the Force. She’s there! But separated by some opaque wall of energy. The more they reach for each other the stronger and more solid the wall becomes. He opens his eyes.

 

At least she’s alive. This must be an illusion, but one he’s not powerful enough to break.

 

A curious aura draws his attention back towards the path he was originally intrigued by. He senses a dignified spirit, at once urgent and bright. He huffs in frustration. He does not sense that either of them in is imminent peril, but he hates the idea of continuing without her in this force-forsaken cave.

 

There’s nothing else he can do. Ben walks on. And on. And on.

Finally, he emerges in what appears to be a small stone chapel. Elaborate carvings are worn with the passage of time. Out a single narrow ancient window is the bright-side moon shining in all it’s glory. It’s blue moon beams illuminate a figure standing at the window. She is small and regal, dressed in a translucent opulence and sporting an imposing headpiece.

 

The eerie figure turns to face him and Ben halts. She looks familiar…like… like the stain glass window on Mustafar.

 

A little breeze ruffles the collar of his shirt as they observe each other in silence. Could it be? The spirit smirks.

 

“It’s shirts like that, that made me fall for your grandfather,” the figure says.

 

Ben’s eyes open wide, totally caught off guard by her words but clinging to the most important one: grandfather.

 

“I am Padme Amidala. Your grandmother.”

 

He is speechless as emotion rages within him.

 

“Amazing. The same wide open, readable face. Every thought and emotion laid bare. The same anger... Now that I think of it, Annie was a terrible Jedi.”

 

_Annie? Did the awe inspiring, powerful Darth Vader who was the definition of fear and destruction have such a cutesy nickname as Annie??_

 

“What is this, what do you want?” Ben hears himself ask.

 

The regal spirit smiles. She transforms! Her headpiece and robes vanish replaced by a simple silken translucent gown. Her hair falls free in gentle waves. She speaks, “I wanted to meet you.”

 

“How are you here? You didn’t have the force.”

 

“We ALL have the force young one. To varying degrees, we are allowed to manipulate it, but always with the same goal in mind: BALANCE. That balance is now in jeopardy. That is why I was brought here. Death has always brought new life. When a wildfire tears through an ancient forest, in time new sprouts emerge stronger and more resilient than before. Like this planet, a new forest will grow. Life goes on. Chaos, destruction, violence, countered by peace, joy, life, tranquility. But without one to balance the other, there is all death or unsustainable life.”

 

She pauses. Ben is hanging on her every word as she walks around him in the small stone room.

 

“For us, for men and women, the balance of life… begins in the heart. You and Rey have been brought together for a reason. Do not betray yourselves as we did, living a lie. Embrace her, protect her and life with it.”

 

“He killed you.”

 

“He killed himself first. There was little remaining of my husband then. He sacrificed humanity for power. False power for he was empty all the remainder of his days, until Luke.”

 

Ben cuts her off with vehemence.

 

“Luke did this to me, he…”

 

“Yes, my son failed where once he might not have. He gave into fear. This is my advice grandson-now-of-one-mind. Reject fear and reject your thirst for power. True power will come when you work together. You know it, you’ve felt it. Don’t let anything get in the way.”

 

He shakes his head. This is nonsense, it must be.

 

“No.”

 

He’s not some prince in a sappy romance. He’s a vile thing. He believes in domination, in power, in death. He hasn’t had the time to understand what his connection to Rey is. She could end up just like his father.

 

“You love her,” Padme whispers.

 

“Love makes you weak,” he says voicing his fear, his earnest lifelong belief.

 

“Just because it hurts, doesn’t mean you’re weak.”

 

He looks up to her shocked, eyes pleading, her words ringing to the core of his being.

 

Then he hears Rey screaming. The sound banishes everything else.  

 

“Go to her.”

 

He does.

 

\----

 

Rey walks on, finally arriving in a small jagged room seemingly hewn of obsidian. It is dark with a mantel topped with red and black artifacts. A small narrow window opens to the sky beyond showing the dark-sided moon, illuminated in blood red light. When had the sun set? Had they wandered that long?

 

It’s quickly apparent that she’s not alone here. She hears it, the mechanical breathing from the castle.

Rey spins several times until a tall dark figure appears before her. She gasps and stumbles back hitting a wall, she claws for a saber she does not have, then swings her staff before her.

 

“I’m not going to hurt you.”

 

It’s a young man’s voice.

 

He’s translucent and shimmering! What is this? She remembers the ghost of Obi-wan at Mustafar. Was this another phantom?

 

He seems young-ish, maybe 30’s, long light brown wavy hair and sharp features that were somehow familiar.

 

“My name is Anakin. Though you may know me by a name more fearsome.”

 

“Vader,” she breathes.

 

He nods sadly then looks at Rey with the same dark pleading readable eyes she’s seen in his grandson.

 

“You really are his…”

 

“Grandfather. Yes. Can you see it? That makes me proud. I’d like to meet him. But he’s not ready yet.”

 

She doesn’t know how to process this information, so she stays there plastered to the wall still breathing heavy from the shock of suddenly being face-to-face with one of the most fearsome, hated men in history. Only he doesn't seem fearsome at all, he looks almost kind, if not brooding. How could this be Vader?

 

“I’d tell him you can’t force choke everyone in sight even if it is… empowering,” He chuckles at his own twisted joke then seems to remember Rey who is staring wide-eyed.

 

 _Oh._ She thinks.  _That sounds more like Vader... and Ben._

 

“You doubtless are wondering why I am here with you now.” He looks out the window. “We all have darkness within us young Rey, it’s when we fear it, fear ourselves, fear losing what’s ours, fear others, that it twists and grows beyond our control.”

 

Rey takes a tentative step forward, lowering her staff.

 

“The balance of life in the cosmos is at risk. You and young Ben can help preserve it.”

 

She is flabbergasted to the point that she has to laugh.

 

“How are we supposed to do something like that?” She asks incredulously. "We're just two people."

 

Anakin smiles sadly again.

 

“My memory was used by dark forces to manipulate Ben. He’s only now coming into himself. You must help guide him back.”

 

“He’s not interested in the light.”

 

“The gray will do,” he says with a warm smile and Rey blushes a little. He has a fatherly aura about him. “And you… it’s time you awoke as well.”

 

“I…me? What do you mean?”

 

“You must protect the balance of life, but to do so you must first acknowledge and accept all parts of yourself.

Assimilate and learn from all that has befallen you. Do not fear it. Let it empower you.”

Rey stammers, walking back as a glowing hand approaches her temple. “I’m sorry.”

 

Her back hits the wall and the phantom makes contact.

 

“Remember.”

 

And she does. She remembers all of it. Her mother’s beatings, the stench of her father's drunken mouth, how her mother’s sole kindness was to do her hair up in three buns, but it wasn’t really a kindness, it was to make her look presentable as they went from buyer to buyer trying to sell her for the best price. She tried to be good enough that they would keep her, but it wasn’t enough, she was never useful enough, she was less than nothing, a burden, a waste.

 

She sees it. The ship rising, Unkar’s blubber wrapped tightly around her arm bruising her as she screamed and screamed… the ship crumbling mid-air…

 

Her screams echo now through the caves.

 

The passageways seemingly open up before him. Ben runs and soon he’s flinging himself into a small black room, and down on his knees as he wraps Rey in his strongest embrace. He looks up and for just a moment he catches a glimpse of the departing spirit of a young man in long dark Jedi robes.

 

“My boy,” says Anakin. Then he’s gone.

 

No time for questions. Ben looks down at the sobbing wreck that is Rey in his arms, and he knows. She’s remembered the truth of what she did.

 

“Rey,” he says shaking her to get her attention. She barely registers him.

 

“Rey! It was an accident!”

 

“I wanted to hurt them,” she says through body wrecking sobs.

 

“You were a child, you had no idea.”

 

“They’re never coming back. They’re never coming back. I did it. I killed them. They’re never coming back.”

 

“They didn’t deserve you.”

 

“I’m a monster,” she wretches.

 

“NO!” He shakes her again. “THEY were the monsters! Something monstrous was done to you! You were a desperate innocent little kid, it’s not your fault.”

 

“No.”

 

Something invades his senses for the first time in a long time. Fear for someone else. She’s falling apart, he can feel her soul being crushed, like she’s reliving everything from the eyes of a child all over again.

 

“You’re not alone Rey. Think. Remember how good you are, how bright.”

 

“It hurts,” she cries.

 

“Let me hurt with you,” his voice breaks and he embraces her hard again.  “Breathe!”

 

“It’s too terrible,” Rey whimpers.

 

“Breathe!”

 

“They weren’t on there. It was the wrong ship. They’ll be back soon. They’re waiting for me. They’ll come back for me when they can.”

 

“NO! DON’T LIE! Don’t lie to yourself!”

 

All her rage and pain sears through his flesh, how can someone so small feel so much? Her distress causes tremors and everything around them shakes.

 

The mantel holding the artifacts shatters, and something catches Ben’s attention in the rubble.

It’s a Kyber crystal! It’s so filthy and gravel covered he can’t tell the color, but it doesn’t matter. He summons it and places it into Rey’s hands.

 

“Everything your feeling. This fight within yourself. Pour it into this. I’ll help you.”

 

“I can’t.”

 

“You can.”

 

“Feel it all. Pour it into the crystal.”

 

She does. Rey screams and Ben holds her, the force is a chaotic whirlpool around them.

He whispers to her, “I won’t leave you and you won’t leave me”

 

\---

 

It feels like hours later.

 

He watches her, marveling at her.

 

It took some time, but Rey finally found her focus. The crystal eagerly channeled her pain, drawing it away and focusing it. Her sobs quieted, her breathing evened, and now she sits, legs crossed on the floor, back straight, deep in meditation as the crystal hovers before her.

 

Ben sits before Rey. His long, thick, strong legs are on either side of her. His feet braced against the wall behind her back. Hands on his knees he watches and feels. His closeness surrounds her.

 

One of his big hands reaches out for hers and they come up, palm to palm, just a hair away from touching beside her cheek.

 

The force roils between their palms, light and dark not repelling, but attracting, fitting together in a way he could have never imagined. He focuses on the nature of force between them, the texture, the power. There's a push and pull, a negative and positive charge. He can feel it, the tension, like electricity between their fingers. It's alive. 

 

Individually, there is perpetual hope and strength and love in her aura, there is strength and passion and persistence in his. The qualities stronger together than they are apart. Suddenly it’s not just their palms, their whole beings long for closeness, for completion, for wholeness, for… something.

 

Forehead to forehead, breathing hard and heavy. Breathing together. The force is a tempest around them, prickling their skin, something like a static charge is building over the two of them.

 

She is his answer, she is his hope, he’s so grateful. His face dips down and his lips land on her cheek. Then the bridge of her nose and forehead. Then the other cheek. Rey is at the mercy of a cascade of sensations, but when Ben starts moving everything becomes clear and focused. 

 

He presses his lips to hers and they feel soft and plush with a gentle pressure.

 

Has he ever really kissed someone before Rey? There was a brief game of spin the light saber at the academy that ended in more embarrassment than any real affection. And what Sama-Ren had done to him… He’s not sure their lips ever really met. It had been a frantic slapping of bodies that left him empty inside… but this… was so much different, so much more.

 

The feel of her soft mouth on his is simple and pure. He moves back after a few seconds, back forehead to forehead.

 

Rey finally opens her eyes.

 

“Did you feel it?”

 

Ben doesn’t answer, He’s too flooded with relief that she seems to have survived her darkest revelation and appears to be coming out of it as herself.

 

“The light and the dark?” She prompts further.

 

“Yes,” he rumbles in the deepest of raw voices.

 

There’s a flash of triumph in her eyes, and then the spell is broken. Utter exhaustion takes hold and her eyes droop. She falls against his chest, asleep.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Intimacy over smut, but I hope you enjoy all the same.

There’s a flash of triumph in her eyes, and then the spell is broken. Utter exhaustion takes hold and her eyes droop. She falls against his chest, asleep. 

\----

Rey wakes and she’s surrounded by warmth. Ben’s holding her as they sit up against a stone wall, a blanket around their shoulders and a fire crackling low before them.

His saber is close by and beside it is the Kyber crystal.

It spoke to her. It helped her. She can’t explain it, but it was alive and sympathetic. It accepted her. So did he.

Rey lifts her cheek from his chest and the fine fabric of his white shirt to look up at his sleeping face in the firelight. He must be truly exhausted because he doesn’t stir, even as she untangles herself from his limbs to go relieve herself outside.

Rey realizes she is wearing just that silky black dress. Her jacket and boots are folded neatly in a corner. Goosebumps break out over her skin as she walks out into the cool night, illuminated by the stars and two moons.

As she returns Ben startles. His eyes fly wild and he immediately reaches for his weapon. Then he sees her. His body relaxes but he looks at her sharply and Rey’s heart jumps in her throat.

He leans up with an arm on one knee.

“Come here,” he commands low, soft but firm.

His order sends shivers down her spine, but she doesn’t move.

She wants to defy him just to see what he would do.

He breathes a sigh. Fire flickers on his face.

“Obstinate,” he whispers and rises.

“Stubborn,” and he takes a step towards her. Then another.

“Fierce. Resilient. Dangerous. Powerful.”

Then he’s standing over her and Rey looks up at him.

“Beautiful. Worthy.”  

A hot full body blush works its way up her neck and over her face. Her heart pounds in her ears. No one’s ever called her beautiful. And worthy? She’s embarrassed by his assessment of her and his praise. She’d rather his words be harsh than kind. It’s not only his words.

His deep chocolate eyes are addictive, his gaze devastatingly intense but somehow vulnerable. He’s so close, warm, strong… handsome. She hopes she looks like she’s putting up a fight on the outside, because inside she is putty longing for his hands, his lips…

His next words make her blink out of her revelry.

“You saw him,” he speaks as if he’s afraid to say the words.

It takes her a moment. Then she knows what he means.

“Anakin,” she says.

He frowns and looks down before asking, “What did he…”

“He said you should stop force choking people, even though it’s fun.”

His eyes fly back up to hers. He blinks. Then blinks again trying to process what she said.

And he laughs. A dorky guffaw exits his lips as the ludicrousness of it all hits him.

After all these years of seeking out the mighty Darth Vader, of worshiping him, Vader appears to this girl, as a kriffing Jedi no less, and tells him choking people is fun, but he should probably stop.

He chuckles and shakes his head. His life has taken the most unexpected left turn.

If only he hadn’t sacrificed so much to get here. His smile dies.

Her gentle hand on his face draws him out his dark thoughts.

“I heard you,” she whispers. He looks questioningly then she shows him. In the midst of her darkest hour and soul shattering pain, she heard his promise, that he would stay with her and she would stay with him.

It’s his turn to flush. To care about someone again and be called out on it is terrifying. He expects her rejection. No one stays with him. His own parents feared him, threw him away. He’s not a sap. He’s not a good man. He’s not a prince. He’s not…

He doesn’t know what he’s not, because in that moment she goes up on her tippy toes and presses her lips to his.

What he *IS* is grateful.

Rey pulls away gently and his eyes follow her. To be given what he wants, because she wants to give it. Miraculous.

He leans down and captures her lips again but it’s not fiery and hard like before. It’s slow and full of reverence. Some might call it love.

Her hands fly up into his heavenly hair and she kisses him with everything she has. Flashes of the future, of the galaxy play behind her eyelids but she never loses his touch.

Her fingers travel from his hair, down his chest, until she’s grasping at the buttons of that wonderful shirt and rending them apart. Rey wants it gone. When he notices, he happily obliges. Ben tears the shirt away then bends down grasping her thighs and lifting her effortlessly. She gasps against his mouth as he carries her around the fire and lays her down on the blanket, kissing her all the while.

They’re free. Together they discover physical love that makes the force sing.   

...

_A big rough paw of a hand slides up over silk and virgin flesh. She writhes under the ministration of long thick fingers. They scream their release out into the night._

Rey wakes as memories dance tantalizingly in her semi-wakeful mind.

She’s on her back, her face in his hair and Ben has a heavy arm slung over her. He’s on his belly and the rest of him is laid bare in the morning sun. Totally naked and gorgeous, like a statue. She blushes but admires the view.

She has done with him what she thought she’d never do with any man or woman for that matter, and quite especially him. The man formerly known as Kylo Ren. The man who was inside her, who brought her body pleasure she didn't imagine existed.

He rouses slow and groggy.

As soon as he’s conscious enough he tightens his grip around her, rolling to his side and pulling her against him like the big spoon he is. Rey giggles and shudders as another parts of him is apparently far more awake than its master and is now pressing up against her naked back. He lightly bites her shoulder, growls and buries his face in her hair by way of morning greeting. It’s endearing and sexy as all force. The rumbling growl shoots tingling pleasure directly to her lady parts.

Rey wiggles and turns her upper body enough to look up at him and he looks down at her with that piercing observant look of his, framed by shaggy mussed up hair.

She runs her fingers over the stubble of his chin and top lip and smiles to herself. Apparently, he hasn’t had the time to shave. She’s never been close enough to a man to do this, but she’s always enjoyed the look of stubble. Now she likes the rough, ticklish feeling.

“I like this,” she says simply. He looks at her seemingly impassive, but his eyes are utterly enthralled.

“And this,” she says placing a soft kiss on the scar she gave him on his face, then tracing it with her finger, “I’m not sorry for this.”

He wants all her honesty, he wants her to see all of him, every scar, every mole, every kriffin’ ingrown hair. He wants to see and be seen, he wants to hear her talk, he wants to feel her writhing under him again.

He kisses her. It’s not long before she’s screaming his name again, only this time, she’s on top.


End file.
